{"id":"01KJR8Q6G2HDAB5DQTAMZHWFK2","cid":"bafkreiglcah3vheldnajejiz6guhkbygcoyfgszpqypwqx6onprpjnbhie","type":"text_chunk","properties":{"char_end":413871,"char_start":406018,"chunk_index":57,"chunk_total":89,"estimated_tokens":1964,"source_file_key":"confessions","text":"might receive. Take from me (saith he) the desires of the belly; whence\r\nit appeareth, O my holy God, that Thou givest, when that is done which\r\nThou commandest to be done.\r\n\r\nThou hast taught me, good Father, that to the pure, all things are pure;\r\nbut that it is evil unto the man that eateth with offence; and, that\r\nevery creature of Thine is good, and nothing to be refused, which is\r\nreceived with thanksgiving; and that meat commendeth us not to God; and,\r\nthat no man should judge us in meat or drink; and, that he which eateth,\r\nlet him not despise him that eateth not; and let not him that eateth\r\nnot, judge him that eateth. These things have I learned, thanks be\r\nto Thee, praise to Thee, my God, my Master, knocking at my ears,\r\nenlightening my heart; deliver me out of all temptation. I fear not\r\nuncleanness of meat, but the uncleanness of lusting. I know; that Noah\r\nwas permitted to eat all kind of flesh that was good for food; that\r\nElijah was fed with flesh; that endued with an admirable abstinence, was\r\nnot polluted by feeding on living creatures, locusts. I know also that\r\nEsau was deceived by lusting for lentiles; and that David blamed himself\r\nfor desiring a draught of water; and that our King was tempted, not\r\nconcerning flesh, but bread. And therefore the people in the wilderness\r\nalso deserved to be reproved, not for desiring flesh, but because, in\r\nthe desire of food, they murmured against the Lord.\r\n\r\nPlaced then amid these temptations, I strive daily against concupiscence\r\nin eating and drinking. For it is not of such nature that I can settle\r\non cutting it off once for all, and never touching it afterward, as\r\nI could of concubinage. The bridle of the throat then is to be held\r\nattempered between slackness and stiffness. And who is he, O Lord, who\r\nis not some whit transported beyond the limits of necessity? whoever he\r\nis, he is a great one; let him make Thy Name great. But I am not such,\r\nfor I am a sinful man. Yet do I too magnify Thy name; and He maketh\r\nintercession to Thee for my sins who hath overcome the world; numbering\r\nme among the weak members of His body; because Thine eyes have seen that\r\nof Him which is imperfect, and in Thy book shall all be written.\r\n\r\nWith the allurements of smells, I am not much concerned. When absent, I\r\ndo not miss them; when present, I do not refuse them; yet ever ready to\r\nbe without them. So I seem to myself; perchance I am deceived. For that\r\nalso is a mournful darkness whereby my abilities within me are hidden\r\nfrom me; so that my mind making enquiry into herself of her own powers,\r\nventures not readily to believe herself; because even what is in it\r\nis mostly hidden, unless experience reveal it. And no one ought to be\r\nsecure in that life, the whole whereof is called a trial, that he who\r\nhath been capable of worse to be made better, may not likewise of better\r\nbe made worse. Our only hope, only confidence, only assured promise is\r\nThy mercy.\r\n\r\nThe delights of the ear had more firmly entangled and subdued me; but\r\nThou didst loosen and free me. Now, in those melodies which Thy words\r\nbreathe soul into, when sung with a sweet and attuned voice, I do\r\na little repose; yet not so as to be held thereby, but that I can\r\ndisengage myself when I will. But with the words which are their\r\nlife and whereby they find admission into me, themselves seek in my\r\naffections a place of some estimation, and I can scarcely assign them\r\none suitable. For at one time I seem to myself to give them more honour\r\nthan is seemly, feeling our minds to be more holily and fervently raised\r\nunto a flame of devotion, by the holy words themselves when thus sung,\r\nthan when not; and that the several affections of our spirit, by a sweet\r\nvariety, have their own proper measures in the voice and singing, by\r\nsome hidden correspondence wherewith they are stirred up. But this\r\ncontentment of the flesh, to which the soul must not be given over to be\r\nenervated, doth oft beguile me, the sense not so waiting upon reason as\r\npatiently to follow her; but having been admitted merely for her sake,\r\nit strives even to run before her, and lead her. Thus in these things I\r\nunawares sin, but afterwards am aware of it.\r\n\r\nAt other times, shunning over-anxiously this very deception, I err in\r\ntoo great strictness; and sometimes to that degree, as to wish the whole\r\nmelody of sweet music which is used to David's Psalter, banished from\r\nmy ears, and the Church's too; and that mode seems to me safer, which I\r\nremember to have been often told me of Athanasius, Bishop of Alexandria,\r\nwho made the reader of the psalm utter it with so slight inflection\r\nof voice, that it was nearer speaking than singing. Yet again, when\r\nI remember the tears I shed at the Psalmody of Thy Church, in the\r\nbeginning of my recovered faith; and how at this time I am moved, not\r\nwith the singing, but with the things sung, when they are sung with a\r\nclear voice and modulation most suitable, I acknowledge the great use\r\nof this institution. Thus I fluctuate between peril of pleasure and\r\napproved wholesomeness; inclined the rather (though not as pronouncing\r\nan irrevocable opinion) to approve of the usage of singing in the\r\nchurch; that so by the delight of the ears the weaker minds may rise to\r\nthe feeling of devotion. Yet when it befalls me to be more moved with\r\nthe voice than the words sung, I confess to have sinned penally, and\r\nthen had rather not hear music. See now my state; weep with me, and weep\r\nfor me, ye, whoso regulate your feelings within, as that good action\r\nensues. For you who do not act, these things touch not you. But Thou, O\r\nLord my God, hearken; behold, and see, and have mercy and heal me, Thou,\r\nin whose presence I have become a problem to myself; and that is my\r\ninfirmity.\r\n\r\nThere remains the pleasure of these eyes of my flesh, on which to make\r\nmy confessions in the hearing of the ears of Thy temple, those brotherly\r\nand devout ears; and so to conclude the temptations of the lust of\r\nthe flesh, which yet assail me, groaning earnestly, and desiring to be\r\nclothed upon with my house from heaven. The eyes love fair and varied\r\nforms, and bright and soft colours. Let not these occupy my soul; let\r\nGod rather occupy it, who made these things, very good indeed, yet is\r\nHe my good, not they. And these affect me, waking, the whole day, nor\r\nis any rest given me from them, as there is from musical, sometimes in\r\nsilence, from all voices. For this queen of colours, the light, bathing\r\nall which we behold, wherever I am through the day, gliding by me in\r\nvaried forms, soothes me when engaged on other things, and not observing\r\nit. And so strongly doth it entwine itself, that if it be suddenly\r\nwithdrawn, it is with longing sought for, and if absent long, saddeneth\r\nthe mind.\r\n\r\nO Thou Light, which Tobias saw, when, these eyes closed, he taught his\r\nson the way of life; and himself went before with the feet of charity,\r\nnever swerving. Or which Isaac saw, when his fleshly eyes being heavy\r\nand closed by old age, it was vouchsafed him, not knowingly, to bless\r\nhis sons, but by blessing to know them. Or which Jacob saw, when he\r\nalso, blind through great age, with illumined heart, in the persons of\r\nhis sons shed light on the different races of the future people, in\r\nthem foresignified; and laid his hands, mystically crossed, upon\r\nhis grandchildren by Joseph, not as their father by his outward eye\r\ncorrected them, but as himself inwardly discerned. This is the light, it\r\nis one, and all are one, who see and love it. But that corporeal light\r\nwhereof I spake, it seasoneth the life of this world for her blind\r\nlovers, with an enticing and dangerous sweetness. But they who know how\r\nto praise Thee for it, \"O all-creating Lord,\" take it up in Thy hymns,\r\nand are not taken up with it in their sleep. 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