{"id":"01KJR8Q6ENMRAAREFNWYDJ6B4R","cid":"bafkreidpfiffcwsh56wue7mnw5a4yqpnj3vklrustucog2urfcgwzifu7m","type":"text_chunk","properties":{"char_end":399608,"char_start":391728,"chunk_index":55,"chunk_total":89,"estimated_tokens":1970,"source_file_key":"confessions","text":"God. This is the happy life which all desire; this life which alone is\r\nhappy, all desire; to joy in the truth all desire. I have met with many\r\nthat would deceive; who would be deceived, no one. Where then did they\r\nknow this happy life, save where they know the truth also? For they love\r\nit also, since they would not be deceived. And when they love a happy\r\nlife, which is no other than joying in the truth, then also do they love\r\nthe truth; which yet they would not love, were there not some notice of\r\nit in their memory. Why then joy they not in it? why are they not happy?\r\nbecause they are more strongly taken up with other things which have\r\nmore power to make them miserable, than that which they so faintly\r\nremember to make them happy. For there is yet a little light in men; let\r\nthem walk, let them walk, that the darkness overtake them not.\r\n\r\nBut why doth \"truth generate hatred,\" and the man of Thine, preaching\r\nthe truth, become an enemy to them? whereas a happy life is loved, which\r\nis nothing else but joying in the truth; unless that truth is in that\r\nkind loved, that they who love anything else would gladly have that\r\nwhich they love to be the truth: and because they would not be deceived,\r\nwould not be convinced that they are so? Therefore do they hate the\r\ntruth for that thing's sake which they loved instead of the truth. They\r\nlove truth when she enlightens, they hate her when she reproves. For\r\nsince they would not be deceived, and would deceive, they love her when\r\nshe discovers herself unto them, and hate her when she discovers them.\r\nWhence she shall so repay them, that they who would not be made manifest\r\nby her, she both against their will makes manifest, and herself becometh\r\nnot manifest unto them. Thus, thus, yea thus doth the mind of man, thus\r\nblind and sick, foul and ill-favoured, wish to be hidden, but that aught\r\nshould be hidden from it, it wills not. But the contrary is requited it,\r\nthat itself should not be hidden from the Truth; but the Truth is hid\r\nfrom it. Yet even thus miserable, it had rather joy in truths than in\r\nfalsehoods. Happy then will it be, when, no distraction interposing, it\r\nshall joy in that only Truth, by Whom all things are true.\r\n\r\nSee what a space I have gone over in my memory seeking Thee, O Lord; and\r\nI have not found Thee, without it. Nor have I found any thing concerning\r\nThee, but what I have kept in memory, ever since I learnt Thee. For\r\nsince I learnt Thee, I have not forgotten Thee. For where I found Truth,\r\nthere found I my God, the Truth itself; which since I learnt, I have\r\nnot forgotten. Since then I learnt Thee, Thou residest in my memory; and\r\nthere do I find Thee, when I call Thee to remembrance, and delight in\r\nThee. These be my holy delights, which Thou hast given me in Thy mercy,\r\nhaving regard to my poverty.\r\n\r\nBut where in my memory residest Thou, O Lord, where residest Thou\r\nthere? what manner of lodging hast Thou framed for Thee? what manner of\r\nsanctuary hast Thou builded for Thee? Thou hast given this honour to my\r\nmemory, to reside in it; but in what quarter of it Thou residest, that\r\nam I considering. For in thinking on Thee, I passed beyond such parts of\r\nit as the beasts also have, for I found Thee not there among the images\r\nof corporeal things: and I came to those parts to which I committed the\r\naffections of my mind, nor found Thee there. And I entered into the\r\nvery seat of my mind (which it hath in my memory, inasmuch as the mind\r\nremembers itself also), neither wert Thou there: for as Thou art not\r\na corporeal image, nor the affection of a living being (as when we\r\nrejoice, condole, desire, fear, remember, forget, or the like); so\r\nneither art Thou the mind itself; because Thou art the Lord God of the\r\nmind; and all these are changed, but Thou remainest unchangeable over\r\nall, and yet hast vouchsafed to dwell in my memory, since I learnt Thee.\r\nAnd why seek I now in what place thereof Thou dwellest, as if there\r\nwere places therein? Sure I am, that in it Thou dwellest, since I have\r\nremembered Thee ever since I learnt Thee, and there I find Thee, when I\r\ncall Thee to remembrance.\r\n\r\nWhere then did I find Thee, that I might learn Thee? For in my memory\r\nThou wert not, before I learned Thee. Where then did I find Thee, that\r\nI might learn Thee, but in Thee above me? Place there is none; we go\r\nbackward and forward, and there is no place. Every where, O Truth, dost\r\nThou give audience to all who ask counsel of Thee, and at once answerest\r\nall, though on manifold matters they ask Thy counsel. Clearly dost Thou\r\nanswer, though all do not clearly hear. All consult Thee on what they\r\nwill, though they hear not always what they will. He is Thy best servant\r\nwho looks not so much to hear that from Thee which himself willeth, as\r\nrather to will that, which from Thee he heareth.\r\n\r\nToo late loved I Thee, O Thou Beauty of ancient days, yet ever new! too\r\nlate I loved Thee! And behold, Thou wert within, and I abroad, and there\r\nI searched for Thee; deformed I, plunging amid those fair forms which\r\nThou hadst made. Thou wert with me, but I was not with Thee. Things held\r\nme far from Thee, which, unless they were in Thee, were not at all.\r\nThou calledst, and shoutedst, and burstest my deafness. Thou flashedst,\r\nshonest, and scatteredst my blindness. Thou breathedst odours, and I\r\ndrew in breath and panted for Thee. I tasted, and hunger and thirst.\r\nThou touchedst me, and I burned for Thy peace.\r\n\r\nWhen I shall with my whole self cleave to Thee, I shall no where have\r\nsorrow or labour; and my life shall wholly live, as wholly full of Thee.\r\nBut now since whom Thou fillest, Thou liftest up, because I am not full\r\nof Thee I am a burden to myself. Lamentable joys strive with joyous\r\nsorrows: and on which side is the victory, I know not. Woe is me! Lord,\r\nhave pity on me. My evil sorrows strive with my good joys; and on which\r\nside is the victory, I know not. Woe is me! Lord, have pity on me. Woe\r\nis me! lo! I hide not my wounds; Thou art the Physician, I the sick;\r\nThou merciful, I miserable. Is not the life of man upon earth all trial?\r\nWho wishes for troubles and difficulties? Thou commandest them to be\r\nendured, not to be loved. No man loves what he endures, though he love\r\nto endure. For though he rejoices that he endures, he had rather there\r\nwere nothing for him to endure. In adversity I long for prosperity, in\r\nprosperity I fear adversity. What middle place is there betwixt these\r\ntwo, where the life of man is not all trial? Woe to the prosperities of\r\nthe world, once and again, through fear of adversity, and corruption of\r\njoy! Woe to the adversities of the world, once and again, and the third\r\ntime, from the longing for prosperity, and because adversity itself is\r\na hard thing, and lest it shatter endurance. Is not the life of man upon\r\nearth all trial: without any interval?\r\n\r\nAnd all my hope is no where but in Thy exceeding great mercy. Give what\r\nThou enjoinest, and enjoin what Thou wilt. Thou enjoinest us continency;\r\nand when I knew, saith one, that no man can be continent, unless God\r\ngive it, this also was a part of wisdom to know whose gift she is. By\r\ncontinency verily are we bound up and brought back into One, whence we\r\nwere dissipated into many. For too little doth he love Thee, who loves\r\nany thing with Thee, which he loveth not for Thee. O love, who ever\r\nburnest and never consumest! O charity, my God, kindle me. Thou\r\nenjoinest continency: give me what Thou enjoinest, and enjoin what Thou\r\nwilt.\r\n\r\nVerily Thou enjoinest me continency from the lust of the flesh, the lust\r\nof the eyes, and the ambition of the world. Thou enjoinest continency\r\nfrom concubinage; and for wedlock itself, Thou hast counselled something\r\nbetter than what Thou hast permitted. And since Thou gavest it, it was\r\ndone, even before I became a dispenser of Thy Sacrament."},"relationships":[{"peer":"01KJR8NK5DAD726FMQ6JCHGZ5R","peer_label":"confessions","peer_type":"text","predicate":"derived_from"},{"peer":"01KJR8M0JHPZXCPKJ34HTYXSWW","peer_type":"collection","predicate":"collection"},{"peer":"01KJR8R5M8VXDW8Z6YHQTCPK14","peer_label":"god","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"divine_being","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:46.953Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8S37WD8TP2AQ2M3KGD534","peer_label":"darkness spiritual","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:46.953Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8SCSX7DNHG6VR05HMD279","peer_label":"speaker 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