{"id":"01KJR8Q6EN78J3EKVJFH996X19","cid":"bafkreihj7koftntovlp2p3wjtxzmrt6amezp66or34gbqxljgdphevym5u","type":"text_chunk","properties":{"char_end":406816,"char_start":398830,"chunk_index":56,"chunk_total":89,"estimated_tokens":1997,"source_file_key":"confessions","text":"give it, this also was a part of wisdom to know whose gift she is. By\r\ncontinency verily are we bound up and brought back into One, whence we\r\nwere dissipated into many. For too little doth he love Thee, who loves\r\nany thing with Thee, which he loveth not for Thee. O love, who ever\r\nburnest and never consumest! O charity, my God, kindle me. Thou\r\nenjoinest continency: give me what Thou enjoinest, and enjoin what Thou\r\nwilt.\r\n\r\nVerily Thou enjoinest me continency from the lust of the flesh, the lust\r\nof the eyes, and the ambition of the world. Thou enjoinest continency\r\nfrom concubinage; and for wedlock itself, Thou hast counselled something\r\nbetter than what Thou hast permitted. And since Thou gavest it, it was\r\ndone, even before I became a dispenser of Thy Sacrament. But there yet\r\nlive in my memory (whereof I have much spoken) the images of such things\r\nas my ill custom there fixed; which haunt me, strengthless when I am\r\nawake: but in sleep, not only so as to give pleasure, but even to obtain\r\nassent, and what is very like reality. Yea, so far prevails the illusion\r\nof the image, in my soul and in my flesh, that, when asleep, false\r\nvisions persuade to that which when waking, the true cannot. Am I not\r\nthen myself, O Lord my God? And yet there is so much difference betwixt\r\nmyself and myself, within that moment wherein I pass from waking to\r\nsleeping, or return from sleeping to waking! Where is reason then,\r\nwhich, awake, resisteth such suggestions? And should the things\r\nthemselves be urged on it, it remaineth unshaken. Is it clasped up with\r\nthe eyes? is it lulled asleep with the senses of the body? And whence is\r\nit that often even in sleep we resist, and mindful of our purpose, and\r\nabiding most chastely in it, yield no assent to such enticements? And\r\nyet so much difference there is, that when it happeneth otherwise, upon\r\nwaking we return to peace of conscience: and by this very difference\r\ndiscover that we did not, what yet we be sorry that in some way it was\r\ndone in us.\r\n\r\nArt Thou not mighty, God Almighty, so as to heal all the diseases of my\r\nsoul, and by Thy more abundant grace to quench even the impure motions\r\nof my sleep! Thou wilt increase, Lord, Thy gifts more and more in me,\r\nthat my soul may follow me to Thee, disentangled from the birdlime of\r\nconcupiscence; that it rebel not against itself, and even in dreams not\r\nonly not, through images of sense, commit those debasing corruptions,\r\neven to pollution of the flesh, but not even to consent unto them. For\r\nthat nothing of this sort should have, over the pure affections even of\r\na sleeper, the very least influence, not even such as a thought would\r\nrestrain,--to work this, not only during life, but even at my present\r\nage, is not hard for the Almighty, Who art able to do above all that\r\nwe ask or think. But what I yet am in this kind of my evil, have I\r\nconfessed unto my good Lord; rejoicing with trembling, in that which\r\nThou hast given me, and bemoaning that wherein I am still imperfect;\r\nhoping that Thou wilt perfect Thy mercies in me, even to perfect peace,\r\nwhich my outward and inward man shall have with Thee, when death shall\r\nbe swallowed up in victory.\r\n\r\nThere is another evil of the day, which I would were sufficient for it.\r\nFor by eating and drinking we repair the daily decays of our body, until\r\nThou destroy both belly and meat, when Thou shalt slay my emptiness\r\nwith a wonderful fulness, and clothe this incorruptible with an eternal\r\nincorruption. But now the necessity is sweet unto me, against which\r\nsweetness I fight, that I be not taken captive; and carry on a daily war\r\nby fastings; often bringing my body into subjection; and my pains are\r\nremoved by pleasure. For hunger and thirst are in a manner pains; they\r\nburn and kill like a fever, unless the medicine of nourishments come\r\nto our aid. Which since it is at hand through the consolations of Thy\r\ngifts, with which land, and water, and air serve our weakness, our\r\ncalamity is termed gratification.\r\n\r\nThis hast Thou taught me, that I should set myself to take food as\r\nphysic. But while I am passing from the discomfort of emptiness to the\r\ncontent of replenishing, in the very passage the snare of concupiscence\r\nbesets me. For that passing, is pleasure, nor is there any other way to\r\npass thither, whither we needs must pass. And health being the cause of\r\neating and drinking, there joineth itself as an attendant a dangerous\r\npleasure, which mostly endeavours to go before it, so that I may for her\r\nsake do what I say I do, or wish to do, for health's sake. Nor have\r\neach the same measure; for what is enough for health, is too little for\r\npleasure. And oft it is uncertain, whether it be the necessary care of\r\nthe body which is yet asking for sustenance, or whether a voluptuous\r\ndeceivableness of greediness is proffering its services. In this\r\nuncertainty the unhappy soul rejoiceth, and therein prepares an excuse\r\nto shield itself, glad that it appeareth not what sufficeth for the\r\nmoderation of health, that under the cloak of health, it may disguise\r\nthe matter of gratification. These temptations I daily endeavour\r\nto resist, and I call on Thy right hand, and to Thee do I refer my\r\nperplexities; because I have as yet no settled counsel herein.\r\n\r\nI hear the voice of my God commanding, Let not your hearts be\r\novercharged with surfeiting and drunkenness. Drunkenness is far from\r\nme; Thou wilt have mercy, that it come not near me. But full feeding\r\nsometimes creepeth upon Thy servant; Thou wilt have mercy, that it may\r\nbe far from me. For no one can be continent unless Thou give it. Many\r\nthings Thou givest us, praying for them; and what good soever we have\r\nreceived before we prayed, from Thee we received it; yea to the end we\r\nmight afterwards know this, did we before receive it. Drunkard was I\r\nnever, but drunkards have I known made sober by Thee. From Thee then it\r\nwas, that they who never were such, should not so be, as from Thee it\r\nwas, that they who have been, should not ever so be; and from Thee it\r\nwas, that both might know from Whom it was. I heard another voice of\r\nThine, Go not after thy lusts, and from thy pleasure turn away. Yea by\r\nThy favour have I heard that which I have much loved; neither if we eat,\r\nshall we abound; neither if we eat not, shall we lack; which is to say,\r\nneither shall the one make me plenteous, nor the other miserable.\r\nI heard also another, for I have learned in whatsoever state I am,\r\ntherewith to be content; I know how to abound, and how to suffer need. I\r\ncan do all things through Christ that strengtheneth me. Behold a soldier\r\nof the heavenly camp, not the dust which we are. But remember, Lord,\r\nthat we are dust, and that of dust Thou hast made man; and he was lost\r\nand is found. Nor could he of himself do this, because he whom I so\r\nloved, saying this through the in-breathing of Thy inspiration, was\r\nof the same dust. I can do all things (saith he) through Him that\r\nstrengtheneth me. Strengthen me, that I can. Give what Thou enjoinest,\r\nand enjoin what Thou wilt. He confesses to have received, and when he\r\nglorieth, in the Lord he glorieth. Another have I heard begging that he\r\nmight receive. Take from me (saith he) the desires of the belly; whence\r\nit appeareth, O my holy God, that Thou givest, when that is done which\r\nThou commandest to be done.\r\n\r\nThou hast taught me, good Father, that to the pure, all things are pure;\r\nbut that it is evil unto the man that eateth with offence; and, that\r\nevery creature of Thine is good, and nothing to be refused, which is\r\nreceived with thanksgiving; and that meat commendeth us not to God; and,\r\nthat no man should judge us in meat or drink; and, that he which eateth,\r\nlet him not despise him that eateth not; and let not him that eateth\r\nnot, judge him that eateth. These things have I learned, thanks be\r\nto Thee, praise to Thee, my God, my Master, knocking at my ears,\r\nenlightening my heart; deliver me out of all temptation."},"relationships":[{"peer":"01KJR8NK5DAD726FMQ6JCHGZ5R","peer_label":"confessions","peer_type":"text","predicate":"derived_from"},{"peer":"01KJR8M0JHPZXCPKJ34HTYXSWW","peer_type":"collection","predicate":"collection"},{"peer":"01KJR8RBRNY6A8BA7KMBBK49P2","peer_label":"narrator 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