{"id":"01KJR8Q6E2HJVDQQ65Q36WX9HW","cid":"bafkreieqkjhyggcwwzkniexmxamcqbwufjilxlpqfp4k7f3c55ay5bqeqi","type":"text_chunk","properties":{"char_end":342320,"char_start":334344,"chunk_index":47,"chunk_total":89,"estimated_tokens":1994,"source_file_key":"confessions","text":"hushed, having roused only our ears to Him who made them, and He alone\r\nspeak, not by them but by Himself, that we may hear His Word, not\r\nthrough any tongue of flesh, nor Angel's voice, nor sound of thunder,\r\nnor in the dark riddle of a similitude, but might hear Whom in these\r\nthings we love, might hear His Very Self without these (as we two now\r\nstrained ourselves, and in swift thought touched on that Eternal Wisdom\r\nwhich abideth over all);--could this be continued on, and other visions\r\nof kind far unlike be withdrawn, and this one ravish, and absorb, and\r\nwrap up its beholder amid these inward joys, so that life might be for\r\never like that one moment of understanding which now we sighed after;\r\nwere not this, Enter into thy Master's joy? And when shall that be? When\r\nwe shall all rise again, though we shall not all be changed?\r\n\r\nSuch things was I speaking, and even if not in this very manner, and\r\nthese same words, yet, Lord, Thou knowest that in that day when we were\r\nspeaking of these things, and this world with all its delights became,\r\nas we spake, contemptible to us, my mother said, \"Son, for mine own part\r\nI have no further delight in any thing in this life. What I do here any\r\nlonger, and to what I am here, I know not, now that my hopes in this\r\nworld are accomplished. One thing there was for which I desired to\r\nlinger for a while in this life, that I might see thee a Catholic\r\nChristian before I died. My God hath done this for me more abundantly,\r\nthat I should now see thee withal, despising earthly happiness, become\r\nHis servant: what do I here?\"\r\n\r\nWhat answer I made her unto these things, I remember not. For scarce\r\nfive days after, or not much more, she fell sick of a fever; and in that\r\nsickness one day she fell into a swoon, and was for a while withdrawn\r\nfrom these visible things. We hastened round her; but she was soon\r\nbrought back to her senses; and looking on me and my brother standing by\r\nher, said to us enquiringly, \"Where was I?\" And then looking fixedly on\r\nus, with grief amazed: \"Here,\" saith she, \"shall you bury your mother.\"\r\nI held my peace and refrained weeping; but my brother spake something,\r\nwishing for her, as the happier lot, that she might die, not in a\r\nstrange place, but in her own land. Whereat, she with anxious look,\r\nchecking him with her eyes, for that he still savoured such things, and\r\nthen looking upon me: \"Behold,\" saith she, \"what he saith\": and soon\r\nafter to us both, \"Lay,\" she saith, \"this body any where; let not the\r\ncare for that any way disquiet you: this only I request, that you would\r\nremember me at the Lord's altar, wherever you be.\" And having delivered\r\nthis sentiment in what words she could, she held her peace, being\r\nexercised by her growing sickness.\r\n\r\nBut I, considering Thy gifts, Thou unseen God, which Thou instillest\r\ninto the hearts of Thy faithful ones, whence wondrous fruits do spring,\r\ndid rejoice and give thanks to Thee, recalling what I before knew, how\r\ncareful and anxious she had ever been as to her place of burial, which\r\nshe had provided and prepared for herself by the body of her husband.\r\nFor because they had lived in great harmony together, she also wished\r\n(so little can the human mind embrace things divine) to have this\r\naddition to that happiness, and to have it remembered among men, that\r\nafter her pilgrimage beyond the seas, what was earthly of this united\r\npair had been permitted to be united beneath the same earth. But when\r\nthis emptiness had through the fulness of Thy goodness begun to cease in\r\nher heart, I knew not, and rejoiced admiring what she had so disclosed\r\nto me; though indeed in that our discourse also in the window, when she\r\nsaid, \"What do I here any longer?\" there appeared no desire of dying\r\nin her own country. I heard afterwards also, that when we were now\r\nat Ostia, she with a mother's confidence, when I was absent, one day\r\ndiscoursed with certain of my friends about the contempt of this life,\r\nand the blessing of death: and when they were amazed at such courage\r\nwhich Thou hadst given to a woman, and asked, \"Whether she were not\r\nafraid to leave her body so far from her own city?\" she replied,\r\n\"Nothing is far to God; nor was it to be feared lest at the end of the\r\nworld, He should not recognise whence He were to raise me up.\" On the\r\nninth day then of her sickness, and the fifty-sixth year of her age, and\r\nthe three-and-thirtieth of mine, was that religious and holy soul freed\r\nfrom the body.\r\n\r\nI closed her eyes; and there flowed withal a mighty sorrow into my\r\nheart, which was overflowing into tears; mine eyes at the same time, by\r\nthe violent command of my mind, drank up their fountain wholly dry; and\r\nwoe was me in such a strife! But when she breathed her last, the boy\r\nAdeodatus burst out into a loud lament; then, checked by us all, held\r\nhis peace. In like manner also a childish feeling in me, which was,\r\nthrough my heart's youthful voice, finding its vent in weeping, was\r\nchecked and silenced. For we thought it not fitting to solemnise that\r\nfuneral with tearful lament, and groanings; for thereby do they for\r\nthe most part express grief for the departed, as though unhappy, or\r\naltogether dead; whereas she was neither unhappy in her death, nor\r\naltogether dead. Of this we were assured on good grounds, the testimony\r\nof her good conversation and her faith unfeigned.\r\n\r\nWhat then was it which did grievously pain me within, but a fresh wound\r\nwrought through the sudden wrench of that most sweet and dear custom of\r\nliving together? I joyed indeed in her testimony, when, in that her last\r\nsickness, mingling her endearments with my acts of duty, she called me\r\n\"dutiful,\" and mentioned, with great affection of love, that she never\r\nhad heard any harsh or reproachful sound uttered by my mouth against\r\nher. But yet, O my God, Who madest us, what comparison is there betwixt\r\nthat honour that I paid to her, and her slavery for me? Being then\r\nforsaken of so great comfort in her, my soul was wounded, and that life\r\nrent asunder as it were, which, of hers and mine together, had been made\r\nbut one.\r\n\r\nThe boy then being stilled from weeping, Euodius took up the Psalter,\r\nand began to sing, our whole house answering him, the Psalm, I will sing\r\nof mercy and judgments to Thee, O Lord. But hearing what we were doing,\r\nmany brethren and religious women came together; and whilst they (whose\r\noffice it was) made ready for the burial, as the manner is, I, in a part\r\nof the house, where I might properly, together with those who thought\r\nnot fit to leave me, discoursed upon something fitting the time; and by\r\nthis balm of truth assuaged that torment, known to Thee, they unknowing\r\nand listening intently, and conceiving me to be without all sense of\r\nsorrow. But in Thy ears, where none of them heard, I blamed the weakness\r\nof my feelings, and refrained my flood of grief, which gave way a little\r\nunto me; but again came, as with a tide, yet not so as to burst out into\r\ntears, nor to change of countenance; still I knew what I was keeping\r\ndown in my heart. And being very much displeased that these human things\r\nhad such power over me, which in the due order and appointment of our\r\nnatural condition must needs come to pass, with a new grief I grieved\r\nfor my grief, and was thus worn by a double sorrow.\r\n\r\nAnd behold, the corpse was carried to the burial; we went and returned\r\nwithout tears. For neither in those prayers which we poured forth unto\r\nThee, when the Sacrifice of our ransom was offered for her, when now the\r\ncorpse was by the grave's side, as the manner there is, previous to its\r\nbeing laid therein, did I weep even during those prayers; yet was I the\r\nwhole day in secret heavily sad, and with troubled mind prayed Thee, as\r\nI could, to heal my sorrow, yet Thou didst not; impressing, I believe,\r\nupon my memory by this one instance, how strong is the bond of all\r\nhabit, even upon a soul, which now feeds upon no deceiving Word."},"relationships":[{"peer":"01KJR8NK5DAD726FMQ6JCHGZ5R","peer_label":"confessions","peer_type":"text","predicate":"derived_from"},{"peer":"01KJR8M0JHPZXCPKJ34HTYXSWW","peer_type":"collection","predicate":"collection"},{"peer":"01KJR8R5M8VXDW8Z6YHQTCPK14","peer_label":"god","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"divine_being","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:17.507Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RBC9WY0QCC4MHVKN42NR","peer_label":"euodius","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:17.507Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RH3MVPM26XJZ2C3DVW19","peer_label":"grief","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"entity","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:17.507Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RNQGDCZJYQB426MTA3K6","peer_label":"augustine","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:17.507Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RPQ3N91BKTYDD6WGVGFY","peer_label":"psalter","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"religious_text","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:17.507Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RPQ014973B1EXZ63SPST","peer_label":"adeodatus","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:17.507Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RPQ0C50EGPHZF8Z4HQER","peer_label":"catholic christian","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"religious_identity","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:17.507Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RPPZPVGFWE9M2V6ZHDNA","peer_label":"eternal wisdom","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:17.507Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RPQ4DC1RXFY6N44WE0DG","peer_label":"monica","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:17.507Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RQ91AB8JW1Q0NGCSCT7N","peer_label":"monicas sickness","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"event","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:17.507Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RQ9HF361CD12NT9S1HQR","peer_label":"monicas funeral","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"event","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:17.507Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RQ8NG2XQ05QCY411W40Q","peer_label":"monicas husband","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:17.507Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RQBCVZZP6WJ88JDE7VDW","peer_label":"augustines brother","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:17.507Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RQB5T44RAVN0N5WP04F7","peer_label":"ostia","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"city","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:17.507Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RQDEY8A5H65QAQ1PVZVG","peer_label":"sacrifice of our ransom","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"religious_ritual","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:17.507Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RQY2VTHJAJMQXBJ1NXKZ","peer_label":"thy faithful ones","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"entity","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:17.507Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RQW17V4Q1ACQ86Y3FAHE","peer_label":"augustines friends","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"group_of_people","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:17.507Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RQS4XNJPQHRSZ9AN2TC6","peer_label":"psalm i will sing of mercy and judgments to thee o lord","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"entity","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:17.507Z"}}],"ver":2,"created_at":"2026-03-02T21:54:24.834Z","ts":"2026-03-02T21:55:18.490Z","edited_by":{"method":"system","user_id":"01KJ60XQBHJ0GBGTP9X8HXAPPM"}}