{"id":"01KJR8Q6E2A5TBNHY4PF1S6BTS","cid":"bafkreiaesxcp7bn254hjavjjrtf37fn75asllgvqnzzormawnlz4eqqoxe","type":"text_chunk","properties":{"char_end":349541,"char_start":341553,"chunk_index":48,"chunk_total":89,"estimated_tokens":1997,"source_file_key":"confessions","text":"natural condition must needs come to pass, with a new grief I grieved\r\nfor my grief, and was thus worn by a double sorrow.\r\n\r\nAnd behold, the corpse was carried to the burial; we went and returned\r\nwithout tears. For neither in those prayers which we poured forth unto\r\nThee, when the Sacrifice of our ransom was offered for her, when now the\r\ncorpse was by the grave's side, as the manner there is, previous to its\r\nbeing laid therein, did I weep even during those prayers; yet was I the\r\nwhole day in secret heavily sad, and with troubled mind prayed Thee, as\r\nI could, to heal my sorrow, yet Thou didst not; impressing, I believe,\r\nupon my memory by this one instance, how strong is the bond of all\r\nhabit, even upon a soul, which now feeds upon no deceiving Word. It\r\nseemed also good to me to go and bathe, having heard that the bath had\r\nits name (balneum) from the Greek Balaneion for that it drives sadness\r\nfrom the mind. And this also I confess unto Thy mercy, Father of the\r\nfatherless, that I bathed, and was the same as before I bathed. For the\r\nbitterness of sorrow could not exude out of my heart. Then I slept, and\r\nwoke up again, and found my grief not a little softened; and as I was\r\nalone in my bed, I remembered those true verses of Thy Ambrose. For Thou\r\nart the\r\n\r\n         \"Maker of all, the Lord,\r\n           And Ruler of the height,\r\n         Who, robing day in light, hast poured\r\n           Soft slumbers o'er the night,\r\n         That to our limbs the power\r\n           Of toil may be renew'd,\r\n         And hearts be rais'd that sink and cower,\r\n           And sorrows be subdu'd.\"\r\n\r\nAnd then by little and little I recovered my former thoughts of Thy\r\nhandmaid, her holy conversation towards Thee, her holy tenderness and\r\nobservance towards us, whereof I was suddenly deprived: and I was minded\r\nto weep in Thy sight, for her and for myself, in her behalf and in my\r\nown. And I gave way to the tears which I before restrained, to overflow\r\nas much as they desired; reposing my heart upon them; and it found rest\r\nin them, for it was in Thy ears, not in those of man, who would have\r\nscornfully interpreted my weeping. And now, Lord, in writing I confess\r\nit unto Thee. Read it, who will, and interpret it, how he will: and if\r\nhe finds sin therein, that I wept my mother for a small portion of an\r\nhour (the mother who for the time was dead to mine eyes, who had for\r\nmany years wept for me that I might live in Thine eyes), let him not\r\nderide me; but rather, if he be one of large charity, let him weep\r\nhimself for my sins unto Thee, the Father of all the brethren of Thy\r\nChrist.\r\n\r\nBut now, with a heart cured of that wound, wherein it might seem\r\nblameworthy for an earthly feeling, I pour out unto Thee, our God, in\r\nbehalf of that Thy handmaid, a far different kind of tears, flowing from\r\na spirit shaken by the thoughts of the dangers of every soul that dieth\r\nin Adam. And although she having been quickened in Christ, even before\r\nher release from the flesh, had lived to the praise of Thy name for\r\nher faith and conversation; yet dare I not say that from what time Thou\r\nregeneratedst her by baptism, no word issued from her mouth against Thy\r\nCommandment. Thy Son, the Truth, hath said, Whosoever shall say unto\r\nhis brother, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire. And woe be even\r\nunto the commendable life of men, if, laying aside mercy, Thou shouldest\r\nexamine it. But because Thou art not extreme in enquiring after sins, we\r\nconfidently hope to find some place with Thee. But whosoever reckons up\r\nhis real merits to Thee, what reckons he up to Thee but Thine own gifts?\r\nO that men would know themselves to be men; and that he that glorieth\r\nwould glory in the Lord.\r\n\r\nI therefore, O my Praise and my Life, God of my heart, laying aside for\r\na while her good deeds, for which I give thanks to Thee with joy, do now\r\nbeseech Thee for the sins of my mother. Hearken unto me, I entreat Thee,\r\nby the Medicine of our wounds, Who hung upon the tree, and now sitting\r\nat Thy right hand maketh intercession to Thee for us. I know that she\r\ndealt mercifully, and from her heart forgave her debtors their debts; do\r\nThou also forgive her debts, whatever she may have contracted in so\r\nmany years, since the water of salvation. Forgive her, Lord, forgive, I\r\nbeseech Thee; enter not into judgment with her. Let Thy mercy be exalted\r\nabove Thy justice, since Thy words are true, and Thou hast promised\r\nmercy unto the merciful; which Thou gavest them to be, who wilt have\r\nmercy on whom Thou wilt have mercy; and wilt have compassion on whom\r\nThou hast had compassion.\r\n\r\nAnd, I believe, Thou hast already done what I ask; but accept, O Lord,\r\nthe free-will offerings of my mouth. For she, the day of her dissolution\r\nnow at hand, took no thought to have her body sumptuously wound up, or\r\nembalmed with spices; nor desired she a choice monument, or to be buried\r\nin her own land. These things she enjoined us not; but desired only to\r\nhave her name commemorated at Thy Altar, which she had served without\r\nintermission of one day: whence she knew the holy Sacrifice to be\r\ndispensed, by which the hand-writing that was against us is blotted out;\r\nthrough which the enemy was triumphed over, who summing up our offences,\r\nand seeking what to lay to our charge, found nothing in Him, in Whom we\r\nconquer. Who shall restore to Him the innocent blood? Who repay Him\r\nthe price wherewith He bought us, and so take us from Him? Unto the\r\nSacrament of which our ransom, Thy handmaid bound her soul by the bond\r\nof faith. Let none sever her from Thy protection: let neither the lion\r\nnor the dragon interpose himself by force or fraud. For she will not\r\nanswer that she owes nothing, lest she be convicted and seized by the\r\ncrafty accuser: but she will answer that her sins are forgiven her by\r\nHim, to Whom none can repay that price which He, Who owed nothing, paid\r\nfor us.\r\n\r\nMay she rest then in peace with the husband before and after whom she\r\nhad never any; whom she obeyed, with patience bringing forth fruit unto\r\nThee, that she might win him also unto Thee. And inspire, O Lord my God,\r\ninspire Thy servants my brethren, Thy sons my masters, whom with\r\nvoice, and heart, and pen I serve, that so many as shall read these\r\nConfessions, may at Thy Altar remember Monnica Thy handmaid, with\r\nPatricius, her sometimes husband, by whose bodies Thou broughtest me\r\ninto this life, how I know not. May they with devout affection remember\r\nmy parents in this transitory light, my brethren under Thee our Father\r\nin our Catholic Mother, and my fellow-citizens in that eternal Jerusalem\r\nwhich Thy pilgrim people sigheth after from their Exodus, even unto\r\ntheir return thither. That so my mother's last request of me, may\r\nthrough my confessions, more than through my prayers, be, through the\r\nprayers of many, more abundantly fulfilled to her.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nBOOK X\r\n\r\n\r\nLet me know Thee, O Lord, who knowest me: let me know Thee, as I am\r\nknown. Power of my soul, enter into it, and fit it for Thee, that\r\nThou mayest have and hold it without spot or wrinkle. This is my hope,\r\ntherefore do I speak; and in this hope do I rejoice, when I rejoice\r\nhealthfully. Other things of this life are the less to be sorrowed for,\r\nthe more they are sorrowed for; and the more to be sorrowed for, the\r\nless men sorrow for them. For behold, Thou lovest the truth, and he that\r\ndoth it, cometh to the light. This would I do in my heart before Thee in\r\nconfession: and in my writing, before many witnesses.\r\n\r\nAnd from Thee, O Lord, unto whose eyes the abyss of man's conscience is\r\nnaked, what could be hidden in me though I would not confess it? For\r\nI should hide Thee from me, not me from Thee. But now, for that my\r\ngroaning is witness, that I am displeased with myself, Thou shinest out,\r\nand art pleasing, and beloved, and longed for; that I may be ashamed of\r\nmyself, and renounce myself, and choose Thee, and neither please Thee\r\nnor myself, but in Thee."},"relationships":[{"peer":"01KJR8NK5DAD726FMQ6JCHGZ5R","peer_label":"confessions","peer_type":"text","predicate":"derived_from"},{"peer":"01KJR8M0JHPZXCPKJ34HTYXSWW","peer_type":"collection","predicate":"collection"},{"peer":"01KJR8R5M8VXDW8Z6YHQTCPK14","peer_label":"god","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"divine_being","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.098Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RC90MA484QJAVK6C7F7D","peer_label":"ambrose","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.098Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RDGXPCYVRE28A6NBFXGW","peer_label":"christ","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"divine_being","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.098Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RDE6DHV24RHFBG2M501M","peer_label":"monnica","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.098Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RDGD14QCXQXD81YF5PPT","peer_label":"hymn maker of all the lord","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"literary_work","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.098Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RDGZ0VG2JF9WMM7V6X8A","peer_label":"balneum","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"word_origin","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.098Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RDE82PE0K49P3WMT2Y0J","peer_label":"balaneion","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"word_origin","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.098Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RE71PSPPBJRG93SCC3AV","peer_label":"patricius","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.098Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RDEX2A0MN2TD2ECGFK3Z","peer_label":"sacrifice of our ransom","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"religious_rite","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.098Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RE36J6TXS3HKZGH16Q0H","peer_label":"baptism","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"Christian_sacrament","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.098Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RDXD1JK4DDCPNG5P23JV","peer_label":"adam","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"biblical_figure","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.098Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RE60H4RA1HRPD6W2PFSZ","peer_label":"altar","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"religious_object","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.098Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RE5DY68ENXB6M9QG2HPF","peer_label":"holy sacrifice","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"religious_rite","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.098Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RE8T002PYSBCHDNA6ZBP","peer_label":"book x","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"document_section","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.098Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RERP48AXP865Y5BKYA9T","peer_label":"enemycrafty accuser","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"supernatural_being","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.098Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RESS1BXEYQHB3MAPYRCK","peer_label":"confessions document","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"literary_work","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.098Z"}}],"ver":2,"created_at":"2026-03-02T21:54:24.834Z","ts":"2026-03-02T21:55:09.147Z","edited_by":{"method":"system","user_id":"01KJ60XQBHJ0GBGTP9X8HXAPPM"}}