{"id":"01KJR8Q6DGSD27HKJ6RC0AV4DR","cid":"bafkreic4qjkjvftwjpnxrdyydcpda4eicmdtotsjwf4wgxvdmumbwktzr4","type":"text_chunk","properties":{"char_end":306503,"char_start":298775,"chunk_index":42,"chunk_total":89,"estimated_tokens":1932,"source_file_key":"confessions","text":"And by this admonition was he strengthened; and by a good resolution and\r\npurpose, and most corresponding to his character, wherein he did always\r\nvery far differ from me, for the better, without any turbulent delay he\r\njoined me. Thence we go in to my mother; we tell her; she rejoiceth: we\r\nrelate in order how it took place; she leaps for joy, and triumpheth,\r\nand blesseth Thee, Who are able to do above that which we ask or think;\r\nfor she perceived that Thou hadst given her more for me, than she\r\nwas wont to beg by her pitiful and most sorrowful groanings. For thou\r\nconvertedst me unto Thyself, so that I sought neither wife, nor any hope\r\nof this world, standing in that rule of faith, where Thou hadst showed\r\nme unto her in a vision, so many years before. And Thou didst convert\r\nher mourning into joy, much more plentiful than she had desired, and\r\nin a much more precious and purer way than she erst required, by having\r\ngrandchildren of my body.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nBOOK IX\r\n\r\n\r\nO Lord, I am Thy servant; I am Thy servant, and the son of Thy handmaid:\r\nThou hast broken my bonds in sunder. I will offer to Thee the sacrifice\r\nof praise. Let my heart and my tongue praise Thee; yea, let all my bones\r\nsay, O Lord, who is like unto Thee? Let them say, and answer Thou me,\r\nand say unto my soul, I am thy salvation. Who am I, and what am I? What\r\nevil have not been either my deeds, or if not my deeds, my words, or if\r\nnot my words, my will? But Thou, O Lord, are good and merciful, and Thy\r\nright hand had respect unto the depth of my death, and from the bottom\r\nof my heart emptied that abyss of corruption. And this Thy whole gift\r\nwas, to nill what I willed, and to will what Thou willedst. But where\r\nthrough all those years, and out of what low and deep recess was my\r\nfree-will called forth in a moment, whereby to submit my neck to Thy\r\neasy yoke, and my shoulders unto Thy light burden, O Christ Jesus, my\r\nHelper and my Redeemer? How sweet did it at once become to me, to want\r\nthe sweetnesses of those toys! and what I feared to be parted from, was\r\nnow a joy to part with. For Thou didst cast them forth from me, Thou\r\ntrue and highest sweetness. Thou castest them forth, and for them\r\nenteredst in Thyself, sweeter than all pleasure, though not to flesh and\r\nblood; brighter than all light, but more hidden than all depths, higher\r\nthan all honour, but not to the high in their own conceits. Now was my\r\nsoul free from the biting cares of canvassing and getting, and weltering\r\nin filth, and scratching off the itch of lust. And my infant tongue\r\nspake freely to Thee, my brightness, and my riches, and my health, the\r\nLord my God.\r\n\r\nAnd I resolved in Thy sight, not tumultuously to tear, but gently to\r\nwithdraw, the service of my tongue from the marts of lip-labour: that\r\nthe young, no students in Thy law, nor in Thy peace, but in lying\r\ndotages and law-skirmishes, should no longer buy at my mouth arms for\r\ntheir madness. And very seasonably, it now wanted but very few days unto\r\nthe Vacation of the Vintage, and I resolved to endure them, then in a\r\nregular way to take my leave, and having been purchased by Thee, no\r\nmore to return for sale. Our purpose then was known to Thee; but to men,\r\nother than our own friends, was it not known. For we had agreed among\r\nourselves not to let it out abroad to any: although to us, now ascending\r\nfrom the valley of tears, and singing that song of degrees, Thou hadst\r\ngiven sharp arrows, and destroying coals against the subtle tongue,\r\nwhich as though advising for us, would thwart, and would out of love\r\ndevour us, as it doth its meat.\r\n\r\nThou hadst pierced our hearts with Thy charity, and we carried Thy words\r\nas it were fixed in our entrails: and the examples of Thy servants,\r\nwhom for black Thou hadst made bright, and for dead, alive, being piled\r\ntogether in the receptacle of our thoughts, kindled and burned up that\r\nour heavy torpor, that we should not sink down to the abyss; and they\r\nfired us so vehemently, that all the blasts of subtle tongues from\r\ngainsayers might only inflame us the more fiercely, not extinguish\r\nus. Nevertheless, because for Thy Name's sake which Thou hast hallowed\r\nthroughout the earth, this our vow and purpose might also find some to\r\ncommend it, it seemed like ostentation not to wait for the vacation now\r\nso near, but to quit beforehand a public profession, which was before\r\nthe eyes of all; so that all looking on this act of mine, and observing\r\nhow near was the time of vintage which I wished to anticipate, would\r\ntalk much of me, as if I had desired to appear some great one. And what\r\nend had it served me, that people should repute and dispute upon my\r\npurpose, and that our good should be evil spoken of.\r\n\r\nMoreover, it had at first troubled me that in this very summer my lungs\r\nbegan to give way, amid too great literary labour, and to breathe deeply\r\nwith difficulty, and by the pain in my chest to show that they were\r\ninjured, and to refuse any full or lengthened speaking; this had\r\ntroubled me, for it almost constrained me of necessity to lay down that\r\nburden of teaching, or, if I could be cured and recover, at least to\r\nintermit it. But when the full wish for leisure, that I might see\r\nhow that Thou art the Lord, arose, and was fixed, in me; my God, Thou\r\nknowest, I began even to rejoice that I had this secondary, and that\r\nno feigned, excuse, which might something moderate the offence taken by\r\nthose who, for their sons' sake, wished me never to have the freedom of\r\nThy sons. Full then of such joy, I endured till that interval of time\r\nwere run; it may have been some twenty days, yet they were endured\r\nmanfully; endured, for the covetousness which aforetime bore a part of\r\nthis heavy business, had left me, and I remained alone, and had been\r\noverwhelmed, had not patience taken its place. Perchance, some of Thy\r\nservants, my brethren, may say that I sinned in this, that with a heart\r\nfully set on Thy service, I suffered myself to sit even one hour in the\r\nchair of lies. Nor would I be contentious. But hast not Thou, O most\r\nmerciful Lord, pardoned and remitted this sin also, with my other most\r\nhorrible and deadly sins, in the holy water?\r\n\r\nVerecundus was worn down with care about this our blessedness, for that\r\nbeing held back by bonds, whereby he was most straitly bound, he saw\r\nthat he should be severed from us. For himself was not yet a Christian,\r\nhis wife one of the faithful; and yet hereby, more rigidly than by any\r\nother chain, was he let and hindered from the journey which we had now\r\nessayed. For he would not, he said, be a Christian on any other terms\r\nthan on those he could not. However, he offered us courteously to remain\r\nat his country-house so long as we should stay there. Thou, O Lord,\r\nshalt reward him in the resurrection of the just, seeing Thou hast\r\nalready given him the lot of the righteous. For although, in our\r\nabsence, being now at Rome, he was seized with bodily sickness, and\r\ntherein being made a Christian, and one of the faithful, he departed\r\nthis life; yet hadst Thou mercy not on him only, but on us also: lest\r\nremembering the exceeding kindness of our friend towards us, yet unable\r\nto number him among Thy flock, we should be agonised with intolerable\r\nsorrow. Thanks unto Thee, our God, we are Thine: Thy suggestions\r\nand consolations tell us, Faithful in promises, Thou now requitest\r\nVerecundus for his country-house of Cassiacum, where from the fever\r\nof the world we reposed in Thee, with the eternal freshness of Thy\r\nParadise: for that Thou hast forgiven him his sins upon earth, in that\r\nrich mountain, that mountain which yieldeth milk, Thine own mountain.\r\n\r\nHe then had at that time sorrow, but Nebridius joy."},"relationships":[{"peer":"01KJR8NK5DAD726FMQ6JCHGZ5R","peer_label":"confessions","peer_type":"text","predicate":"derived_from"},{"peer":"01KJR8M0JHPZXCPKJ34HTYXSWW","peer_type":"collection","predicate":"collection"},{"peer":"01KJR8R5M8VXDW8Z6YHQTCPK14","peer_label":"god","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"divine_being","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:05.072Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RA0TV2D5CPJG21AR4ZKJ","peer_label":"the narrators mother monica","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:05.072Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8R9Z2XP30HXZ5TCBSRH5M","peer_label":"rule of faith","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:05.072Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RA0GJGTSMK0WJ8NK93JJ","peer_label":"christ jesus","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"divine_being","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:05.072Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RA46PDF2Q64VCE4FFPGA","peer_label":"the narrator augustine","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:05.072Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RA5XYP0741K531K93TJQ","peer_label":"withdrawal from public profession","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"event","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:05.072Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RAF58QQWVXY8MGA8Y8NV","peer_label":"vacation of the vintage","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"temporal_period","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:05.072Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RA5BXRAZAGJH3MSKKVCJ","peer_label":"book ix","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"document_section","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:05.072Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RAKYY0MVH40SSQ9SZ06C","peer_label":"verecundus","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:05.072Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RAS0PXRQZ7YADNE8HYQH","peer_label":"cassiacum","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"place","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:05.072Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RAPB0WWXA289YX71C14C","peer_label":"rome","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"place","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:05.072Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RATA5RXTJDMSK7KNZA3C","peer_label":"joy","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"entity","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:05.072Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RAVEYAKDT7N4H8E93DK9","peer_label":"verecunduss wife","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:05.072Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RB14M0H2QPE7EC4PSWPY","peer_label":"nebridius","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:05.072Z"}}],"ver":2,"created_at":"2026-03-02T21:54:24.816Z","ts":"2026-03-02T21:55:05.928Z","edited_by":{"method":"system","user_id":"01KJ60XQBHJ0GBGTP9X8HXAPPM"}}