{"id":"01KJR8Q6DGNF30DT1NY8JK86ST","cid":"bafkreif24ndlugzcquarlkouvazetuwamxkvkza5otntxwmbd7u36jzetq","type":"text_chunk","properties":{"char_end":313703,"char_start":305751,"chunk_index":43,"chunk_total":89,"estimated_tokens":1988,"source_file_key":"confessions","text":"therein being made a Christian, and one of the faithful, he departed\r\nthis life; yet hadst Thou mercy not on him only, but on us also: lest\r\nremembering the exceeding kindness of our friend towards us, yet unable\r\nto number him among Thy flock, we should be agonised with intolerable\r\nsorrow. Thanks unto Thee, our God, we are Thine: Thy suggestions\r\nand consolations tell us, Faithful in promises, Thou now requitest\r\nVerecundus for his country-house of Cassiacum, where from the fever\r\nof the world we reposed in Thee, with the eternal freshness of Thy\r\nParadise: for that Thou hast forgiven him his sins upon earth, in that\r\nrich mountain, that mountain which yieldeth milk, Thine own mountain.\r\n\r\nHe then had at that time sorrow, but Nebridius joy. For although he\r\nalso, not being yet a Christian, had fallen into the pit of that most\r\npernicious error, believing the flesh of Thy Son to be a phantom: yet\r\nemerging thence, he believed as we did; not as yet endued with any\r\nSacraments of Thy Church, but a most ardent searcher out of truth. Whom,\r\nnot long after our conversion and regeneration by Thy Baptism, being\r\nalso a faithful member of the Church Catholic, and serving Thee in\r\nperfect chastity and continence amongst his people in Africa, his whole\r\nhouse having through him first been made Christian, didst Thou release\r\nfrom the flesh; and now he lives in Abraham's bosom. Whatever that be,\r\nwhich is signified by that bosom, there lives my Nebridius, my sweet\r\nfriend, and Thy child, O Lord, adopted of a freed man: there he liveth.\r\nFor what other place is there for such a soul? There he liveth, whereof\r\nhe asked much of me, a poor inexperienced man. Now lays he not his ear\r\nto my mouth, but his spiritual mouth unto Thy fountain, and drinketh as\r\nmuch as he can receive, wisdom in proportion to his thirst, endlessly\r\nhappy. Nor do I think that he is so inebriated therewith, as to forget\r\nme; seeing Thou, Lord, Whom he drinketh, art mindful of us. So were\r\nwe then, comforting Verecundus, who sorrowed, as far as friendship\r\npermitted, that our conversion was of such sort; and exhorting him to\r\nbecome faithful, according to his measure, namely, of a married estate;\r\nand awaiting Nebridius to follow us, which, being so near, he was all\r\nbut doing: and so, lo! those days rolled by at length; for long and many\r\nthey seemed, for the love I bare to the easeful liberty, that I might\r\nsing to Thee, from my inmost marrow, My heart hath said unto Thee, I\r\nhave sought Thy face: Thy face, Lord, will I seek.\r\n\r\nNow was the day come wherein I was in deed to be freed of my Rhetoric\r\nProfessorship, whereof in thought I was already freed. And it was done.\r\nThou didst rescue my tongue, whence Thou hadst before rescued my heart.\r\nAnd I blessed Thee, rejoicing; retiring with all mine to the villa. What\r\nI there did in writing, which was now enlisted in Thy service, though\r\nstill, in this breathing-time as it were, panting from the school of\r\npride, my books may witness, as well what I debated with others, as what\r\nwith myself alone, before Thee: what with Nebridius, who was absent, my\r\nEpistles bear witness. And when shall I have time to rehearse all Thy\r\ngreat benefits towards us at that time, especially when hasting on to\r\nyet greater mercies? For my remembrance recalls me, and pleasant is it\r\nto me, O Lord, to confess to Thee, by what inward goads Thou tamedst me;\r\nand how Thou hast evened me, lowering the mountains and hills of my high\r\nimaginations, straightening my crookedness, and smoothing my rough ways;\r\nand how Thou also subduedst the brother of my heart, Alypius, unto the\r\nname of Thy Only Begotten, our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, which\r\nhe would not at first vouchsafe to have inserted in our writings. For\r\nrather would he have them savour of the lofty cedars of the Schools,\r\nwhich the Lord hath now broken down, than of the wholesome herbs of the\r\nChurch, the antidote against serpents.\r\n\r\nOh, in what accents spake I unto Thee, my God, when I read the Psalms of\r\nDavid, those faithful songs, and sounds of devotion, which allow of no\r\nswelling spirit, as yet a Catechumen, and a novice in Thy real love,\r\nresting in that villa, with Alypius a Catechumen, my mother cleaving to\r\nus, in female garb with masculine faith, with the tranquillity of age,\r\nmotherly love, Christian piety! Oh, what accents did I utter unto Thee\r\nin those Psalms, and how was I by them kindled towards Thee, and on\r\nfire to rehearse them, if possible, through the whole world, against the\r\npride of mankind! And yet they are sung through the whole world, nor can\r\nany hide himself from Thy heat. With what vehement and bitter sorrow was\r\nI angered at the Manichees! and again I pitied them, for they knew not\r\nthose Sacraments, those medicines, and were mad against the antidote\r\nwhich might have recovered them of their madness. How I would they\r\nhad then been somewhere near me, and without my knowing that they were\r\nthere, could have beheld my countenance, and heard my words, when I read\r\nthe fourth Psalm in that time of my rest, and how that Psalm wrought\r\nupon me: When I called, the God of my righteousness heard me; in\r\ntribulation Thou enlargedst me. Have mercy upon me, O Lord, and hear\r\nmy prayer. Would that what I uttered on these words, they could hear,\r\nwithout my knowing whether they heard, lest they should think I spake\r\nit for their sakes! Because in truth neither should I speak the same\r\nthings, nor in the same way, if I perceived that they heard and saw me;\r\nnor if I spake them would they so receive them, as when I spake by and\r\nfor myself before Thee, out of the natural feelings of my soul.\r\n\r\nI trembled for fear, and again kindled with hope, and with rejoicing in\r\nThy mercy, O Father; and all issued forth both by mine eyes and voice,\r\nwhen Thy good Spirit turning unto us, said, O ye sons of men, how long\r\nslow of heart? why do ye love vanity, and seek after leasing? For I had\r\nloved vanity, and sought after leasing. And Thou, O Lord, hadst already\r\nmagnified Thy Holy One, raising Him from the dead, and setting Him at\r\nThy right hand, whence from on high He should send His promise, the\r\nComforter, the Spirit of truth. And He had already sent Him, but I knew\r\nit not; He had sent Him, because He was now magnified, rising again from\r\nthe dead, and ascending into heaven. For till then, the Spirit was not\r\nyet given, because Jesus was not yet glorified. And the prophet cries\r\nout, How long, slow of heart? why do ye love vanity, and seek after\r\nleasing? Know this, that the Lord hath magnified His Holy One. He cries\r\nout, How long? He cries out, Know this: and I so long, not knowing,\r\nloved vanity, and sought after leasing: and therefore I heard and\r\ntrembled, because it was spoken unto such as I remembered myself to\r\nhave been. For in those phantoms which I had held for truths, was\r\nthere vanity and leasing; and I spake aloud many things earnestly and\r\nforcibly, in the bitterness of my remembrance. Which would they had\r\nheard, who yet love vanity and seek after leasing! They would perchance\r\nhave been troubled, and have vomited it up; and Thou wouldest hear them\r\nwhen they cried unto Thee; for by a true death in the flesh did He die\r\nfor us, who now intercedeth unto Thee for us.\r\n\r\nI further read, Be angry, and sin not. And how was I moved, O my God,\r\nwho had now learned to be angry at myself for things past, that I might\r\nnot sin in time to come! Yea, to be justly angry; for that it was not\r\nanother nature of a people of darkness which sinned for me, as they say\r\nwho are not angry at themselves, and treasure up wrath against the day\r\nof wrath, and of the revelation of Thy just judgment. Nor were my good\r\nthings now without, nor sought with the eyes of flesh in that earthly\r\nsun; for they that would have joy from without soon become vain, and\r\nwaste themselves on the things seen and temporal, and in their famished\r\nthoughts do lick their very 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