{"id":"01KJR8Q6DGHKBAF2QTNY2DCTHM","cid":"bafkreigjzqpx3lllxmeq2ykrfyj46okzixfxsqfl2boxp6xt2qxcbfk3ay","type":"text_chunk","properties":{"char_end":292473,"char_start":284674,"chunk_index":40,"chunk_total":89,"estimated_tokens":1950,"source_file_key":"confessions","text":"no, move not so far as I had come from the house to that place where we\r\nwere sitting. For, not to go only, but to go in thither was nothing else\r\nbut to will to go, but to will resolutely and thoroughly; not to turn\r\nand toss, this way and that, a maimed and half-divided will, struggling,\r\nwith one part sinking as another rose.\r\n\r\nLastly, in the very fever of my irresoluteness, I made with my body many\r\nsuch motions as men sometimes would, but cannot, if either they have not\r\nthe limbs, or these be bound with bands, weakened with infirmity, or\r\nany other way hindered. Thus, if I tore my hair, beat my forehead, if\r\nlocking my fingers I clasped my knee; I willed, I did it. But I might\r\nhave willed, and not done it; if the power of motion in my limbs had not\r\nobeyed. So many things then I did, when \"to will\" was not in itself \"to\r\nbe able\"; and I did not what both I longed incomparably more to do, and\r\nwhich soon after, when I should will, I should be able to do; because\r\nsoon after, when I should will, I should will thoroughly. For in these\r\nthings the ability was one with the will, and to will was to do; and yet\r\nwas it not done: and more easily did my body obey the weakest willing of\r\nmy soul, in moving its limbs at its nod, than the soul obeyed itself to\r\naccomplish in the will alone this its momentous will.\r\n\r\nWhence is this monstrousness? and to what end? Let Thy mercy gleam that\r\nI may ask, if so be the secret penalties of men, and those darkest\r\npangs of the sons of Adam, may perhaps answer me. Whence is this\r\nmonstrousness? and to what end? The mind commands the body, and it obeys\r\ninstantly; the mind commands itself, and is resisted. The mind commands\r\nthe hand to be moved; and such readiness is there, that command is\r\nscarce distinct from obedience. Yet the mind is mind, the hand is body.\r\nThe mind commands the mind, its own self, to will, and yet it doth not.\r\nWhence this monstrousness? and to what end? It commands itself, I say,\r\nto will, and would not command, unless it willed, and what it commands\r\nis not done. But it willeth not entirely: therefore doth it not command\r\nentirely. For so far forth it commandeth, as it willeth: and, so far\r\nforth is the thing commanded, not done, as it willeth not. For the will\r\ncommandeth that there be a will; not another, but itself. But it doth\r\nnot command entirely, therefore what it commandeth, is not. For were\r\nthe will entire, it would not even command it to be, because it would\r\nalready be. It is therefore no monstrousness partly to will, partly to\r\nnill, but a disease of the mind, that it doth not wholly rise, by truth\r\nupborne, borne down by custom. And therefore are there two wills, for\r\nthat one of them is not entire: and what the one lacketh, the other\r\nhath.\r\n\r\nLet them perish from Thy presence, O God, as perish vain talkers and\r\nseducers of the soul: who observing that in deliberating there were two\r\nwills, affirm that there are two minds in us of two kinds, one good, the\r\nother evil. Themselves are truly evil, when they hold these evil things;\r\nand themselves shall become good when they hold the truth and assent\r\nunto the truth, that Thy Apostle may say to them, Ye were sometimes\r\ndarkness, but now light in the Lord. But they, wishing to be light, not\r\nin the Lord, but in themselves, imagining the nature of the soul to\r\nbe that which God is, are made more gross darkness through a dreadful\r\narrogancy; for that they went back farther from Thee, the true Light\r\nthat enlightened every man that cometh into the world. Take heed what\r\nyou say, and blush for shame: draw near unto Him and be enlightened,\r\nand your faces shall not be ashamed. Myself when I was deliberating\r\nupon serving the Lord my God now, as I had long purposed, it was I who\r\nwilled, I who nilled, I, I myself. I neither willed entirely, nor nilled\r\nentirely. Therefore was I at strife with myself, and rent asunder by\r\nmyself. And this rent befell me against my will, and yet indicated, not\r\nthe presence of another mind, but the punishment of my own. Therefore it\r\nwas no more I that wrought it, but sin that dwelt in me; the punishment\r\nof a sin more freely committed, in that I was a son of Adam.\r\n\r\nFor if there be so many contrary natures as there be conflicting wills,\r\nthere shall now be not two only, but many. If a man deliberate whether\r\nhe should go to their conventicle or to the theatre, these Manichees\r\ncry out, Behold, here are two natures: one good, draws this way; another\r\nbad, draws back that way. For whence else is this hesitation between\r\nconflicting wills? But I say that both be bad: that which draws to them,\r\nas that which draws back to the theatre. But they believe not that\r\nwill to be other than good, which draws to them. What then if one of us\r\nshould deliberate, and amid the strife of his two wills be in a strait,\r\nwhether he should go to the theatre or to our church? would not these\r\nManichees also be in a strait what to answer? For either they must\r\nconfess (which they fain would not) that the will which leads to our\r\nchurch is good, as well as theirs, who have received and are held by the\r\nmysteries of theirs: or they must suppose two evil natures, and two evil\r\nsouls conflicting in one man, and it will not be true, which they say,\r\nthat there is one good and another bad; or they must be converted to the\r\ntruth, and no more deny that where one deliberates, one soul fluctuates\r\nbetween contrary wills.\r\n\r\nLet them no more say then, when they perceive two conflicting wills\r\nin one man, that the conflict is between two contrary souls, of two\r\ncontrary substances, from two contrary principles, one good, and the\r\nother bad. For Thou, O true God, dost disprove, check, and convict them;\r\nas when, both wills being bad, one deliberates whether he should kill\r\na man by poison or by the sword; whether he should seize this or that\r\nestate of another's, when he cannot both; whether he should purchase\r\npleasure by luxury, or keep his money by covetousness; whether he go to\r\nthe circus or the theatre, if both be open on one day; or thirdly, to\r\nrob another's house, if he have the opportunity; or, fourthly, to commit\r\nadultery, if at the same time he have the means thereof also; all these\r\nmeeting together in the same juncture of time, and all being equally\r\ndesired, which cannot at one time be acted: for they rend the mind\r\namid four, or even (amid the vast variety of things desired) more,\r\nconflicting wills, nor do they yet allege that there are so many divers\r\nsubstances. So also in wills which are good. For I ask them, is it good\r\nto take pleasure in reading the Apostle? or good to take pleasure in\r\na sober Psalm? or good to discourse on the Gospel? They will answer to\r\neach, \"it is good.\" What then if all give equal pleasure, and all at\r\nonce? Do not divers wills distract the mind, while he deliberates which\r\nhe should rather choose? yet are they all good, and are at variance till\r\none be chosen, whither the one entire will may be borne, which before\r\nwas divided into many. Thus also, when, above, eternity delights us, and\r\nthe pleasure of temporal good holds us down below, it is the same soul\r\nwhich willeth not this or that with an entire will; and therefore is\r\nrent asunder with grievous perplexities, while out of truth it sets this\r\nfirst, but out of habit sets not that aside.\r\n\r\nThus soul-sick was I, and tormented, accusing myself much more severely\r\nthan my wont, rolling and turning me in my chain, till that were wholly\r\nbroken, whereby I now was but just, but still was, held. And Thou, O\r\nLord, pressedst upon me in my inward parts by a severe mercy, redoubling\r\nthe lashes of fear and shame, lest I should again give way, and not\r\nbursting that same slight remaining tie, it should recover strength, and\r\nbind me the faster."},"relationships":[{"peer":"01KJR8NK5DAD726FMQ6JCHGZ5R","peer_label":"confessions","peer_type":"text","predicate":"derived_from"},{"peer":"01KJR8M0JHPZXCPKJ34HTYXSWW","peer_type":"collection","predicate":"collection"},{"peer":"01KJR8RD2SSVQYVNR9T9HZBTCV","peer_label":"body","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8REQWH1EX3PJHNEV57Z9T","peer_label":"manichees","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"group","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RBE420Z52P5C5FRBHSX6","peer_label":"god","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"deity","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RD2NFT9YY9Y8DW1AWFFS","peer_label":"narrator","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RENT5GDAEZJJBSSVRRWR","peer_label":"truth","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RWRC9FE9VEHA0F0B6SQ9","peer_label":"mind","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RWKJK3Z46D9KV3Y35E9C","peer_label":"disease of the mind","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RWVC65VMG1VQ37RV6SR2","peer_label":"will","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RXAA8HW8VNQYBNQD9FSJ","peer_label":"monstrousness","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RY3G326Q0G10YEX9RR24","peer_label":"our church","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"organization","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RX9SB0KPVA2MTB5NTVCQ","peer_label":"apostle","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RXFMNCT5KGED5JPVDQNN","peer_label":"conventicle","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"place","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RXPBKTR0M6VAJWY1QYE1","peer_label":"adam","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RXDS4HZ1X54YJGG8QW8N","peer_label":"two wills","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RXHC6GD08P7BBHF50C99","peer_label":"sin","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RYDD35E54G9P02M0ZBP2","peer_label":"two minds","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RY686215SRE0D2TZWJ7Z","peer_label":"custom","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RYAA1CT2ACMFK1X202NW","peer_label":"fear and shame","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"emotions","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RY84582PNBMW6YNHE6FM","peer_label":"theatre","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"place","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RYEH4SCC5HRJET2VWZ9G","peer_label":"severe mercy","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:25.553Z"}}],"ver":2,"created_at":"2026-03-02T21:54:24.816Z","ts":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.878Z","edited_by":{"method":"system","user_id":"01KJ60XQBHJ0GBGTP9X8HXAPPM"}}