{"id":"01KJR8Q6CNDJ8P8W6JNCYM1T5S","cid":"bafkreiewuboid4nbngbohh2tkd2ueddcrxrwdp3u2n7klwgetuskjy2isq","type":"text_chunk","properties":{"char_end":214216,"char_start":206220,"chunk_index":29,"chunk_total":89,"estimated_tokens":1999,"source_file_key":"confessions","text":"purposing to give us meat in due season, and to fill our souls with\r\nblessing.\r\n\r\nMeanwhile my sins were being multiplied, and my concubine being torn\r\nfrom my side as a hindrance to my marriage, my heart which clave unto\r\nher was torn and wounded and bleeding. And she returned to Afric, vowing\r\nunto Thee never to know any other man, leaving with me my son by her.\r\nBut unhappy I, who could not imitate a very woman, impatient of delay,\r\ninasmuch as not till after two years was I to obtain her I sought not\r\nbeing so much a lover of marriage as a slave to lust, procured another,\r\nthough no wife, that so by the servitude of an enduring custom, the\r\ndisease of my soul might be kept up and carried on in its vigour, or\r\neven augmented, into the dominion of marriage. Nor was that my wound\r\ncured, which had been made by the cutting away of the former, but after\r\ninflammation and most acute pain, it mortified, and my pains became less\r\nacute, but more desperate.\r\n\r\nTo Thee be praise, glory to Thee, Fountain of mercies. I was becoming\r\nmore miserable, and Thou nearer. Thy right hand was continually ready to\r\npluck me out of the mire, and to wash me thoroughly, and I knew it\r\nnot; nor did anything call me back from a yet deeper gulf of carnal\r\npleasures, but the fear of death, and of Thy judgment to come; which\r\namid all my changes, never departed from my breast. And in my disputes\r\nwith my friends Alypius and Nebridius of the nature of good and evil, I\r\nheld that Epicurus had in my mind won the palm, had I not believed that\r\nafter death there remained a life for the soul, and places of requital\r\naccording to men's deserts, which Epicurus would not believe. And I\r\nasked, \"were we immortal, and to live in perpetual bodily pleasure,\r\nwithout fear of losing it, why should we not be happy, or what else\r\nshould we seek?\" not knowing that great misery was involved in this very\r\nthing, that, being thus sunk and blinded, I could not discern that light\r\nof excellence and beauty, to be embraced for its own sake, which the eye\r\nof flesh cannot see, and is seen by the inner man. Nor did I, unhappy,\r\nconsider from what source it sprung, that even on these things, foul as\r\nthey were, I with pleasure discoursed with my friends, nor could I,\r\neven according to the notions I then had of happiness, be happy without\r\nfriends, amid what abundance soever of carnal pleasures. And yet these\r\nfriends I loved for themselves only, and I felt that I was beloved of\r\nthem again for myself only.\r\n\r\nO crooked paths! Woe to the audacious soul, which hoped, by forsaking\r\nThee, to gain some better thing! Turned it hath, and turned again, upon\r\nback, sides, and belly, yet all was painful; and Thou alone rest.\r\nAnd behold, Thou art at hand, and deliverest us from our wretched\r\nwanderings, and placest us in Thy way, and dost comfort us, and say,\r\n\"Run; I will carry you; yea I will bring you through; there also will I\r\ncarry you.\"\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nBOOK VII\r\n\r\n\r\nDeceased was now that my evil and abominable youth, and I was passing\r\ninto early manhood; the more defiled by vain things as I grew in years,\r\nwho could not imagine any substance, but such as is wont to be seen with\r\nthese eyes. I thought not of Thee, O God, under the figure of a human\r\nbody; since I began to hear aught of wisdom, I always avoided this; and\r\nrejoiced to have found the same in the faith of our spiritual mother,\r\nThy Catholic Church. But what else to conceive of Thee I knew not. And\r\nI, a man, and such a man, sought to conceive of Thee the sovereign,\r\nonly, true God; and I did in my inmost soul believe that Thou wert\r\nincorruptible, and uninjurable, and unchangeable; because though not\r\nknowing whence or how, yet I saw plainly, and was sure, that that which\r\nmay be corrupted must be inferior to that which cannot; what could not\r\nbe injured I preferred unhesitatingly to what could receive injury; the\r\nunchangeable to things subject to change. My heart passionately cried\r\nout against all my phantoms, and with this one blow I sought to beat\r\naway from the eye of my mind all that unclean troop which buzzed around\r\nit. And lo, being scarce put off, in the twinkling of an eye they\r\ngathered again thick about me, flew against my face, and beclouded\r\nit; so that though not under the form of the human body, yet was I\r\nconstrained to conceive of Thee (that incorruptible, uninjurable, and\r\nunchangeable, which I preferred before the corruptible, and injurable,\r\nand changeable) as being in space, whether infused into the world, or\r\ndiffused infinitely without it. Because whatsoever I conceived, deprived\r\nof this space, seemed to me nothing, yea altogether nothing, not even\r\na void, as if a body were taken out of its place, and the place should\r\nremain empty of any body at all, of earth and water, air and heaven, yet\r\nwould it remain a void place, as it were a spacious nothing.\r\n\r\nI then being thus gross-hearted, nor clear even to myself, whatsoever\r\nwas not extended over certain spaces, nor diffused, nor condensed, nor\r\nswelled out, or did not or could not receive some of these dimensions,\r\nI thought to be altogether nothing. For over such forms as my eyes are\r\nwont to range, did my heart then range: nor yet did I see that this same\r\nnotion of the mind, whereby I formed those very images, was not of this\r\nsort, and yet it could not have formed them, had not itself been some\r\ngreat thing. So also did I endeavour to conceive of Thee, Life of my\r\nlife, as vast, through infinite spaces on every side penetrating\r\nthe whole mass of the universe, and beyond it, every way, through\r\nunmeasurable boundless spaces; so that the earth should have Thee, the\r\nheaven have Thee, all things have Thee, and they be bounded in Thee, and\r\nThou bounded nowhere. For that as the body of this air which is above\r\nthe earth, hindereth not the light of the sun from passing through it,\r\npenetrating it, not by bursting or by cutting, but by filling it wholly:\r\nso I thought the body not of heaven, air, and sea only, but of the earth\r\ntoo, pervious to Thee, so that in all its parts, the greatest as the\r\nsmallest, it should admit Thy presence, by a secret inspiration, within\r\nand without, directing all things which Thou hast created. So I guessed,\r\nonly as unable to conceive aught else, for it was false. For thus should\r\na greater part of the earth contain a greater portion of Thee, and a\r\nless, a lesser: and all things should in such sort be full of Thee,\r\nthat the body of an elephant should contain more of Thee, than that of\r\na sparrow, by how much larger it is, and takes up more room; and thus\r\nshouldest Thou make the several portions of Thyself present unto the\r\nseveral portions of the world, in fragments, large to the large,\r\npetty to the petty. But such art not Thou. But not as yet hadst Thou\r\nenlightened my darkness.\r\n\r\nIt was enough for me, Lord, to oppose to those deceived deceivers, and\r\ndumb praters, since Thy word sounded not out of them;--that was enough\r\nwhich long ago, while we were yet at Carthage, Nebridius used to\r\npropound, at which all we that heard it were staggered: \"That said\r\nnation of darkness, which the Manichees are wont to set as an opposing\r\nmass over against Thee, what could it have done unto Thee, hadst Thou\r\nrefused to fight with it? For, if they answered, 'it would have\r\ndone Thee some hurt,' then shouldest Thou be subject to injury and\r\ncorruption: but it could do Thee no hurt,' then was no reason brought\r\nfor Thy fighting with it; and fighting in such wise, as that a certain\r\nportion or member of Thee, or offspring of Thy very Substance, should be\r\nmingled with opposed powers, and natures not created by Thee, and be\r\nby them so far corrupted and changed to the worse, as to be turned\r\nfrom happiness into misery, and need assistance, whereby it might be\r\nextricated and purified; and that this offspring of Thy Substance was\r\nthe soul, which being enthralled, defiled, corrupted, Thy Word, free,\r\npure, and whole, might relieve; that Word itself "},"relationships":[{"peer":"01KJR8NK5DAD726FMQ6JCHGZ5R","peer_label":"confessions","peer_type":"text","predicate":"derived_from"},{"peer":"01KJR8M0JHPZXCPKJ34HTYXSWW","peer_type":"collection","predicate":"collection"},{"peer":"01KJR8RBRNY6A8BA7KMBBK49P2","peer_label":"narrator augustine","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RBE420Z52P5C5FRBHSX6","peer_label":"god","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"deity","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RM469XEEVHNJNEGV2NDW","peer_label":"alypius","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RB14M0H2QPE7EC4PSWPY","peer_label":"nebridius","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RCWCDQ2VA5D55QEMA3EV","peer_label":"catholic church","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"religious_institution","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8R6AJ4HSDN1TJ34CHPH7J","peer_label":"carthage","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"city","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RXXRBH67N92JEMJZQ699","peer_label":"afric","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"continent","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RXTWFYKVEN33R7QGGK7E","peer_label":"fear of death","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"abstract_concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RXXWFMASGECX47V025KD","peer_label":"thy judgment gods judgment","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"theological_concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RXXJF26W8DR3CY4MPM8W","peer_label":"son of augustine","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RXZP996KJ6HR74EC4EWX","peer_label":"lust","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"abstract_concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RY2KNQVZVE3MY00604S2","peer_label":"concubine of augustine","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RYNVG440WS90ADC9CQKV","peer_label":"book vii confessions","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"document_section","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RYPR2G5ET1GEPN4EADGY","peer_label":"nature of good and evil","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"philosophical_concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RYVYWH3TB8YZQ89MBXJ3","peer_label":"thy word gods word","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"theological_concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RYQ6K3T0NF0J8W2D4KD3","peer_label":"manichees","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"religious_group","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RYRPMD622APZHXZ3NB5M","peer_label":"opposed powers manichean concept","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"theological_concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RYPJ3NGZH2607JCRRC5E","peer_label":"epicurus","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"philosopher","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RZGFWSXEJJDMCNAYXB9Y","peer_label":"soul human","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"theological_concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RZHKTHVS3MTTPHVZARFS","peer_label":"life for the soul","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"entity","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:26.119Z"}}],"ver":2,"created_at":"2026-03-02T21:54:24.789Z","ts":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.401Z","edited_by":{"method":"system","user_id":"01KJ60XQBHJ0GBGTP9X8HXAPPM"}}