{"id":"01KJR8Q6BT1WPMCHJW44XA55Z5","cid":"bafkreidljw7ddv2lammzzvankgzarwqg3iocmdsuuwmf6gi7uhbfyq43hm","type":"text_chunk","properties":{"char_end":206989,"char_start":199138,"chunk_index":28,"chunk_total":89,"estimated_tokens":1963,"source_file_key":"confessions","text":"cut off and end all care and feeling? Then must this be ascertained.\r\nBut God forbid this! It is no vain and empty thing, that the excellent\r\ndignity of the authority of the Christian Faith hath overspread the\r\nwhole world. Never would such and so great things be by God wrought for\r\nus, if with the death of the body the life of the soul came to an end.\r\nWherefore delay then to abandon worldly hopes, and give ourselves wholly\r\nto seek after God and the blessed life? But wait! Even those things are\r\npleasant; they have some, and no small sweetness. We must not lightly\r\nabandon them, for it were a shame to return again to them. See, it is\r\nno great matter now to obtain some station, and then what should we more\r\nwish for? We have store of powerful friends; if nothing else offer, and\r\nwe be in much haste, at least a presidentship may be given us: and a\r\nwife with some money, that she increase not our charges: and this shall\r\nbe the bound of desire. Many great men, and most worthy of imitation,\r\nhave given themselves to the study of wisdom in the state of marriage.\"\r\n\r\nWhile I went over these things, and these winds shifted and drove my\r\nheart this way and that, time passed on, but I delayed to turn to the\r\nLord; and from day to day deferred to live in Thee, and deferred not\r\ndaily to die in myself. Loving a happy life, I feared it in its own\r\nabode, and sought it, by fleeing from it. I thought I should be too\r\nmiserable, unless folded in female arms; and of the medicine of Thy\r\nmercy to cure that infirmity I thought not, not having tried it. As for\r\ncontinency, I supposed it to be in our own power (though in myself I did\r\nnot find that power), being so foolish as not to know what is written,\r\nNone can be continent unless Thou give it; and that Thou wouldest give\r\nit, if with inward groanings I did knock at Thine ears, and with a\r\nsettled faith did cast my care on Thee.\r\n\r\nAlypius indeed kept me from marrying; alleging that so could we by no\r\nmeans with undistracted leisure live together in the love of wisdom, as\r\nwe had long desired. For himself was even then most pure in this point,\r\nso that it was wonderful; and that the more, since in the outset of his\r\nyouth he had entered into that course, but had not stuck fast therein;\r\nrather had he felt remorse and revolting at it, living thenceforth until\r\nnow most continently. But I opposed him with the examples of those who\r\nas married men had cherished wisdom, and served God acceptably, and\r\nretained their friends, and loved them faithfully. Of whose greatness of\r\nspirit I was far short; and bound with the disease of the flesh, and its\r\ndeadly sweetness, drew along my chain, dreading to be loosed, and as if\r\nmy wound had been fretted, put back his good persuasions, as it were the\r\nhand of one that would unchain me. Moreover, by me did the serpent\r\nspeak unto Alypius himself, by my tongue weaving and laying in his\r\npath pleasurable snares, wherein his virtuous and free feet might be\r\nentangled.\r\n\r\nFor when he wondered that I, whom he esteemed not slightly, should stick\r\nso fast in the birdlime of that pleasure, as to protest (so oft as we\r\ndiscussed it) that I could never lead a single life; and urged in my\r\ndefence when I saw him wonder, that there was great difference between\r\nhis momentary and scarce-remembered knowledge of that life, which so\r\nhe might easily despise, and my continued acquaintance whereto if the\r\nhonourable name of marriage were added, he ought not to wonder why I\r\ncould not contemn that course; he began also to desire to be married;\r\nnot as overcome with desire of such pleasure, but out of curiosity. For\r\nhe would fain know, he said, what that should be, without which my life,\r\nto him so pleasing, would to me seem not life but a punishment. For his\r\nmind, free from that chain, was amazed at my thraldom; and through that\r\namazement was going on to a desire of trying it, thence to the trial\r\nitself, and thence perhaps to sink into that bondage whereat he\r\nwondered, seeing he was willing to make a covenant with death; and he\r\nthat loves danger, shall fall into it. For whatever honour there be in\r\nthe office of well-ordering a married life, and a family, moved us but\r\nslightly. But me for the most part the habit of satisfying an insatiable\r\nappetite tormented, while it held me captive; him, an admiring wonder\r\nwas leading captive. So were we, until Thou, O Most High, not forsaking\r\nour dust, commiserating us miserable, didst come to our help, by\r\nwondrous and secret ways.\r\n\r\nContinual effort was made to have me married. I wooed, I was\r\npromised, chiefly through my mother's pains, that so once married, the\r\nhealth-giving baptism might cleanse me, towards which she rejoiced\r\nthat I was being daily fitted, and observed that her prayers, and Thy\r\npromises, were being fulfilled in my faith. At which time verily, both\r\nat my request and her own longing, with strong cries of heart she\r\ndaily begged of Thee, that Thou wouldest by a vision discover unto her\r\nsomething concerning my future marriage; Thou never wouldest. She saw\r\nindeed certain vain and fantastic things, such as the energy of the\r\nhuman spirit, busied thereon, brought together; and these she told me\r\nof, not with that confidence she was wont, when Thou showedst her any\r\nthing, but slighting them. For she could, she said, through a certain\r\nfeeling, which in words she could not express, discern betwixt Thy\r\nrevelations, and the dreams of her own soul. Yet the matter was pressed\r\non, and a maiden asked in marriage, two years under the fit age; and, as\r\npleasing, was waited for.\r\n\r\nAnd many of us friends conferring about, and detesting the turbulent\r\nturmoils of human life, had debated and now almost resolved on living\r\napart from business and the bustle of men; and this was to be thus\r\nobtained; we were to bring whatever we might severally procure, and\r\nmake one household of all; so that through the truth of our friendship\r\nnothing should belong especially to any; but the whole thus derived from\r\nall, should as a whole belong to each, and all to all. We thought there\r\nmight be some often persons in this society; some of whom were very\r\nrich, especially Romanianus our townsman, from childhood a very familiar\r\nfriend of mine, whom the grievous perplexities of his affairs had\r\nbrought up to court; who was the most earnest for this project; and\r\ntherein was his voice of great weight, because his ample estate far\r\nexceeded any of the rest. We had settled also that two annual officers,\r\nas it were, should provide all things necessary, the rest being\r\nundisturbed. But when we began to consider whether the wives, which\r\nsome of us already had, others hoped to have, would allow this, all that\r\nplan, which was being so well moulded, fell to pieces in our hands, was\r\nutterly dashed and cast aside. Thence we betook us to sighs, and groans,\r\nand our steps to follow the broad and beaten ways of the world; for many\r\nthoughts were in our heart, but Thy counsel standeth for ever. Out\r\nof which counsel Thou didst deride ours, and preparedst Thine own;\r\npurposing to give us meat in due season, and to fill our souls with\r\nblessing.\r\n\r\nMeanwhile my sins were being multiplied, and my concubine being torn\r\nfrom my side as a hindrance to my marriage, my heart which clave unto\r\nher was torn and wounded and bleeding. And she returned to Afric, vowing\r\nunto Thee never to know any other man, leaving with me my son by her.\r\nBut unhappy I, who could not imitate a very woman, impatient of delay,\r\ninasmuch as not till after two years was I to obtain her I sought not\r\nbeing so much a lover of marriage as a slave to lust, procured another,\r\nthough no wife, that so by the servitude of an enduring custom, the\r\ndisease of my soul might be kept up and carried on in its vigour, or\r\neven augmented, into the dominion of marriage."},"relationships":[{"peer":"01KJR8NK5DAD726FMQ6JCHGZ5R","peer_label":"confessions","peer_type":"text","predicate":"derived_from"},{"peer":"01KJR8M0JHPZXCPKJ34HTYXSWW","peer_type":"collection","predicate":"collection"},{"peer":"01KJR8RM469XEEVHNJNEGV2NDW","peer_label":"alypius","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RD2NFT9YY9Y8DW1AWFFS","peer_label":"narrator","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8R5M8VXDW8Z6YHQTCPK14","peer_label":"god","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"divine_being","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RDRQWGMRPCNWYD6HTBGE","peer_label":"narrators mother","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RY0B0M2VYZMWXZ85NHR1","peer_label":"marriage","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"social_institution","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8SJBCZ9VC3JVRJER9B6SD","peer_label":"christian faith","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"religious_concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8SJ0XDKMG1KZVQQ25NN17","peer_label":"continence","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"virtue","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8SJCDZX2ZP5WSA9BGMP97","peer_label":"romanianus","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8SJMDHQJF18GNZE37T1AZ","peer_label":"wisdom","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"philosophical_concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8SJZXVQKC83TF3P8J3V8D","peer_label":"concubine first","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8SJPAR41P2MMVAAZCNN97","peer_label":"concubine second","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8SJK3SAD7JMA6PX8JNY6Z","peer_label":"son of narrator and concubine","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8SK99AR16HY5EBDBC4BTQ","peer_label":"lust","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"internal_state","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8SKHRMB6MN0TKJVHZNSFA","peer_label":"blessed life","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"spiritual_state","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8SKC3DX6F970RT8DZKV59","peer_label":"friends of narrator","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"group_of_people","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8SM9WRGBXM77CZF7P583J","peer_label":"afric","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"entity","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8SKTW8P95EXPDJB5995VP","peer_label":"maiden intended for narrators marriage","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8SM264FTY869V17865QF0","peer_label":"wives","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"entity","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8SKGEEKD6WBHCRY32AEJS","peer_label":"gods counsel","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"divine_guidance","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8SM2DX5WAVWW8YMKPX3KF","peer_label":"human plans","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8SK67DT8DM6CBTGBT0YN0","peer_label":"communal living plan","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"social_project","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:47.617Z"}}],"ver":2,"created_at":"2026-03-02T21:54:24.762Z","ts":"2026-03-02T21:55:48.740Z","edited_by":{"method":"system","user_id":"01KJ60XQBHJ0GBGTP9X8HXAPPM"}}