{"id":"01KJR8Q6AYF7GM3SHYC7GR8F32","cid":"bafkreidpwdyuueoc6ktujfcqyknbhahotflzztuv2hf4bnrjywqdb6dobm","type":"text_chunk","properties":{"char_end":178440,"char_start":170445,"chunk_index":24,"chunk_total":89,"estimated_tokens":1999,"source_file_key":"confessions","text":"another, whom she loved not as Ambrose, whom, for my salvation,\r\nshe loved most entirely; and he her again, for her most religious\r\nconversation, whereby in good works, so fervent in spirit, she was\r\nconstant at church; so that, when he saw me, he often burst forth into\r\nher praises; congratulating me that I had such a mother; not knowing\r\nwhat a son she had in me, who doubted of all these things, and imagined\r\nthe way to life could not be found out.\r\n\r\nNor did I yet groan in my prayers, that Thou wouldest help me; but\r\nmy spirit was wholly intent on learning, and restless to dispute. And\r\nAmbrose himself, as the world counts happy, I esteemed a happy man, whom\r\npersonages so great held in such honour; only his celibacy seemed to me\r\na painful course. But what hope he bore within him, what struggles he\r\nhad against the temptations which beset his very excellencies, or what\r\ncomfort in adversities, and what sweet joys Thy Bread had for the hidden\r\nmouth of his spirit, when chewing the cud thereof, I neither could\r\nconjecture, nor had experienced. Nor did he know the tides of my\r\nfeelings, or the abyss of my danger. For I could not ask of him, what\r\nI would as I would, being shut out both from his ear and speech by\r\nmultitudes of busy people, whose weaknesses he served. With whom when he\r\nwas not taken up (which was but a little time), he was either refreshing\r\nhis body with the sustenance absolutely necessary, or his mind with\r\nreading. But when he was reading, his eye glided over the pages, and\r\nhis heart searched out the sense, but his voice and tongue were at rest.\r\nOfttimes when we had come (for no man was forbidden to enter, nor was it\r\nhis wont that any who came should be announced to him), we saw him thus\r\nreading to himself, and never otherwise; and having long sat silent\r\n(for who durst intrude on one so intent?) we were fain to depart,\r\nconjecturing that in the small interval which he obtained, free from the\r\ndin of others' business, for the recruiting of his mind, he was loth to\r\nbe taken off; and perchance he dreaded lest if the author he read should\r\ndeliver any thing obscurely, some attentive or perplexed hearer should\r\ndesire him to expound it, or to discuss some of the harder questions; so\r\nthat his time being thus spent, he could not turn over so many volumes\r\nas he desired; although the preserving of his voice (which a very little\r\nspeaking would weaken) might be the truer reason for his reading to\r\nhimself. But with what intent soever he did it, certainly in such a man\r\nit was good.\r\n\r\nI however certainly had no opportunity of enquiring what I wished of\r\nthat so holy oracle of Thine, his breast, unless the thing might be\r\nanswered briefly. But those tides in me, to be poured out to him,\r\nrequired his full leisure, and never found it. I heard him indeed every\r\nLord's day, rightly expounding the Word of truth among the people; and\r\nI was more and more convinced that all the knots of those crafty\r\ncalumnies, which those our deceivers had knit against the Divine Books,\r\ncould be unravelled. But when I understood withal, that \"man created\r\nby Thee, after Thine own image,\" was not so understood by Thy spiritual\r\nsons, whom of the Catholic Mother Thou hast born again through grace,\r\nas though they believed and conceived of Thee as bounded by human shape\r\n(although what a spiritual substance should be I had not even a faint or\r\nshadowy notion); yet, with joy I blushed at having so many years barked\r\nnot against the Catholic faith, but against the fictions of carnal\r\nimaginations. For so rash and impious had I been, that what I ought by\r\nenquiring to have learned, I had pronounced on, condemning. For Thou,\r\nMost High, and most near; most secret, and most present; Who hast not\r\nlimbs some larger, some smaller, but art wholly every where, and no\r\nwhere in space, art not of such corporeal shape, yet hast Thou made man\r\nafter Thine own image; and behold, from head to foot is he contained in\r\nspace.\r\n\r\nIgnorant then how this Thy image should subsist, I should have knocked\r\nand proposed the doubt, how it was to be believed, not insultingly\r\nopposed it, as if believed. Doubt, then, what to hold for certain,\r\nthe more sharply gnawed my heart, the more ashamed I was, that so long\r\ndeluded and deceived by the promise of certainties, I had with childish\r\nerror and vehemence, prated of so many uncertainties. For that they were\r\nfalsehoods became clear to me later. However I was certain that they\r\nwere uncertain, and that I had formerly accounted them certain, when\r\nwith a blind contentiousness, I accused Thy Catholic Church, whom I now\r\ndiscovered, not indeed as yet to teach truly, but at least not to teach\r\nthat for which I had grievously censured her. So I was confounded, and\r\nconverted: and I joyed, O my God, that the One Only Church, the body of\r\nThine Only Son (wherein the name of Christ had been put upon me as an\r\ninfant), had no taste for infantine conceits; nor in her sound doctrine\r\nmaintained any tenet which should confine Thee, the Creator of all, in\r\nspace, however great and large, yet bounded every where by the limits of\r\na human form.\r\n\r\nI joyed also that the old Scriptures of the law and the Prophets were\r\nlaid before me, not now to be perused with that eye to which before they\r\nseemed absurd, when I reviled Thy holy ones for so thinking, whereas\r\nindeed they thought not so: and with joy I heard Ambrose in his sermons\r\nto the people, oftentimes most diligently recommend this text for a\r\nrule, The letter killeth, but the Spirit giveth life; whilst he drew\r\naside the mystic veil, laying open spiritually what, according to the\r\nletter, seemed to teach something unsound; teaching herein nothing that\r\noffended me, though he taught what I knew not as yet, whether it were\r\ntrue. For I kept my heart from assenting to any thing, fearing to fall\r\nheadlong; but by hanging in suspense I was the worse killed. For I\r\nwished to be as assured of the things I saw not, as I was that seven and\r\nthree are ten. For I was not so mad as to think that even this could not\r\nbe comprehended; but I desired to have other things as clear as this,\r\nwhether things corporeal, which were not present to my senses, or\r\nspiritual, whereof I knew not how to conceive, except corporeally. And\r\nby believing might I have been cured, that so the eyesight of my soul\r\nbeing cleared, might in some way be directed to Thy truth, which abideth\r\nalways, and in no part faileth. But as it happens that one who has tried\r\na bad physician, fears to trust himself with a good one, so was it with\r\nthe health of my soul, which could not be healed but by believing, and\r\nlest it should believe falsehoods, refused to be cured; resisting Thy\r\nhands, Who hast prepared the medicines of faith, and hast applied\r\nthem to the diseases of the whole world, and given unto them so great\r\nauthority.\r\n\r\nBeing led, however, from this to prefer the Catholic doctrine, I felt\r\nthat her proceeding was more unassuming and honest, in that she required\r\nto be believed things not demonstrated (whether it was that they could\r\nin themselves be demonstrated but not to certain persons, or could not\r\nat all be), whereas among the Manichees our credulity was mocked by a\r\npromise of certain knowledge, and then so many most fabulous and\r\nabsurd things were imposed to be believed, because they could not be\r\ndemonstrated. Then Thou, O Lord, little by little with most tender and\r\nmost merciful hand, touching and composing my heart, didst persuade\r\nme--considering what innumerable things I believed, which I saw not, nor\r\nwas present while they were done, as so many things in secular history,\r\nso many reports of places and of cities, which I had not seen; so many\r\nof friends, so many of physicians, so many continually of other men,\r\nwhich unless we should believe, we should do nothing at all in this\r\nlife; lastly, with how unshaken an assurance I believed of what\r\nparents I was born, which I could not know, had I not believed "},"relationships":[{"peer":"01KJR8NK5DAD726FMQ6JCHGZ5R","peer_label":"confessions","peer_type":"text","predicate":"derived_from"},{"peer":"01KJR8M0JHPZXCPKJ34HTYXSWW","peer_type":"collection","predicate":"collection"},{"peer":"01KJR8R5M8VXDW8Z6YHQTCPK14","peer_label":"god","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"divine_being","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RCVSJ0EAE7WYK04A0GT8","peer_label":"narrators mother","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RC90MA484QJAVK6C7F7D","peer_label":"ambrose","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RBSW4AWNHEND15N55Q6J","peer_label":"thy bread spiritual nourishment","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"spiritual_concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RC9Y26YEGJKPAGZCX0MV","peer_label":"word of truth","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"religious_concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RBRNY6A8BA7KMBBK49P2","peer_label":"narrator augustine","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RCEPDYYTH7C89TWAQSCB","peer_label":"divine books","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"text_collection","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RCWCDQ2VA5D55QEMA3EV","peer_label":"catholic church","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"religious_institution","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RCHG5WS5JEW7V00XVD95","peer_label":"man created in gods image","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"theological_concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RCYCARFN7GG88GWTEGP1","peer_label":"catholic faith","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"religious_belief_system","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RD42SZ3KV58F4XWMXPJV","peer_label":"the letter killeth but the spirit giveth life","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"principle_or_quote","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RDCS7FF2EK2P4KENN848","peer_label":"medicines of faith","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"spiritual_concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RDNN72DGACAR3RAEA854","peer_label":"catholic doctrine","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"religious_teaching","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RDND88VM73W78V592R7D","peer_label":"manichees","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"religious_sect","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RDT8PQMG5NWYC7AK6JSZ","peer_label":"catholic mother","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"entity","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RD7ZFQ4213BGKVWZR341","peer_label":"old scriptures of the law and the prophets","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"text_collection","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RDNB18XAGAC29GGGXTZF","peer_label":"deceivers","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"entity","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RDW7DA9AJHW03BZCEZAV","peer_label":"spiritual sons","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"entity","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RE0RM5X4878G1MD57RA6","peer_label":"credulity","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"entity","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RE7ZDZHF2HAZ36T614Y9","peer_label":"sound doctrine","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"entity","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8REAJ1AYVM265WQJ5CTDB","peer_label":"fabulous and absurd things","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"entity","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.020Z"}}],"ver":2,"created_at":"2026-03-02T21:54:24.734Z","ts":"2026-03-02T21:55:09.422Z","edited_by":{"method":"system","user_id":"01KJ60XQBHJ0GBGTP9X8HXAPPM"}}