{"id":"01KJR8Q6A746HGPBZZ78WPZB3X","cid":"bafkreidueifckk2ytjybros32cyoqsi5cms5ir2bueccmhtfv6mvkucxna","type":"text_chunk","properties":{"char_end":92837,"char_start":85260,"chunk_index":12,"chunk_total":89,"estimated_tokens":1895,"source_file_key":"confessions","text":"prophets. And what gained I by scoffing at them, but to be scoffed at by\r\nThee, being insensibly and step by step drawn on to those follies, as\r\nto believe that a fig-tree wept when it was plucked, and the tree, its\r\nmother, shed milky tears? Which fig notwithstanding (plucked by some\r\nother's, not his own, guilt) had some Manichaean saint eaten, and\r\nmingled with his bowels, he should breathe out of it angels, yea, there\r\nshall burst forth particles of divinity, at every moan or groan in his\r\nprayer, which particles of the most high and true God had remained bound\r\nin that fig, unless they had been set at liberty by the teeth or belly\r\nof some \"Elect\" saint! And I, miserable, believed that more mercy was\r\nto be shown to the fruits of the earth than men, for whom they were\r\ncreated. For if any one an hungered, not a Manichaean, should ask for\r\nany, that morsel would seem as it were condemned to capital punishment,\r\nwhich should be given him.\r\n\r\nAnd Thou sentest Thine hand from above, and drewest my soul out of that\r\nprofound darkness, my mother, Thy faithful one, weeping to Thee for me,\r\nmore than mothers weep the bodily deaths of their children. For she,\r\nby that faith and spirit which she had from Thee, discerned the death\r\nwherein I lay, and Thou heardest her, O Lord; Thou heardest her, and\r\ndespisedst not her tears, when streaming down, they watered the ground\r\nunder her eyes in every place where she prayed; yea Thou heardest her.\r\nFor whence was that dream whereby Thou comfortedst her; so that she\r\nallowed me to live with her, and to eat at the same table in the\r\nhouse, which she had begun to shrink from, abhorring and detesting\r\nthe blasphemies of my error? For she saw herself standing on a certain\r\nwooden rule, and a shining youth coming towards her, cheerful and\r\nsmiling upon her, herself grieving, and overwhelmed with grief. But he\r\nhaving (in order to instruct, as is their wont not to be instructed)\r\nenquired of her the causes of her grief and daily tears, and she\r\nanswering that she was bewailing my perdition, he bade her rest\r\ncontented, and told her to look and observe, \"That where she was, there\r\nwas I also.\" And when she looked, she saw me standing by her in the same\r\nrule. Whence was this, but that Thine ears were towards her heart? O\r\nThou Good omnipotent, who so carest for every one of us, as if Thou\r\ncaredst for him only; and so for all, as if they were but one!\r\n\r\nWhence was this also, that when she had told me this vision, and I would\r\nfain bend it to mean, \"That she rather should not despair of being one\r\nday what I was\"; she presently, without any hesitation, replies: \"No;\r\nfor it was not told me that, 'where he, there thou also'; but 'where\r\nthou, there he also'?\" I confess to Thee, O Lord, that to the best of my\r\nremembrance (and I have oft spoken of this), that Thy answer, through\r\nmy waking mother,--that she was not perplexed by the plausibility of my\r\nfalse interpretation, and so quickly saw what was to be seen, and which\r\nI certainly had not perceived before she spake,--even then moved me more\r\nthan the dream itself, by which a joy to the holy woman, to be fulfilled\r\nso long after, was, for the consolation of her present anguish, so long\r\nbefore foresignified. For almost nine years passed, in which I wallowed\r\nin the mire of that deep pit, and the darkness of falsehood, often\r\nassaying to rise, but dashed down the more grievously. All which time\r\nthat chaste, godly, and sober widow (such as Thou lovest), now more\r\ncheered with hope, yet no whit relaxing in her weeping and mourning,\r\nceased not at all hours of her devotions to bewail my case unto Thee.\r\nAnd her prayers entered into Thy presence; and yet Thou sufferedst me to\r\nbe yet involved and reinvolved in that darkness.\r\n\r\nThou gavest her meantime another answer, which I call to mind; for much\r\nI pass by, hasting to those things which more press me to confess unto\r\nThee, and much I do not remember. Thou gavest her then another answer,\r\nby a Priest of Thine, a certain Bishop brought up in Thy Church,\r\nand well studied in Thy books. Whom when this woman had entreated to\r\nvouchsafe to converse with me, refute my errors, unteach me ill things,\r\nand teach me good things (for this he was wont to do, when he found\r\npersons fitted to receive it), he refused, wisely, as I afterwards\r\nperceived. For he answered, that I was yet unteachable, being puffed\r\nup with the novelty of that heresy, and had already perplexed divers\r\nunskilful persons with captious questions, as she had told him: \"but\r\nlet him alone a while\" (saith he), \"only pray God for him, he will of\r\nhimself by reading find what that error is, and how great its impiety.\"\r\nAt the same time he told her, how himself, when a little one, had by his\r\nseduced mother been consigned over to the Manichees, and had not\r\nonly read, but frequently copied out almost all, their books, and had\r\n(without any argument or proof from any one) seen how much that sect was\r\nto be avoided; and had avoided it. Which when he had said, and she would\r\nnot be satisfied, but urged him more, with entreaties and many tears,\r\nthat he would see me and discourse with me; he, a little displeased at\r\nher importunity, saith, \"Go thy ways and God bless thee, for it is not\r\npossible that the son of these tears should perish.\" Which answer she\r\ntook (as she often mentioned in her conversations with me) as if it had\r\nsounded from heaven.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nBOOK IV\r\n\r\n\r\nFor this space of nine years (from my nineteenth year to my\r\neight-and-twentieth) we lived seduced and seducing, deceived and\r\ndeceiving, in divers lusts; openly, by sciences which they call liberal;\r\nsecretly, with a false-named religion; here proud, there superstitious,\r\nevery where vain. Here, hunting after the emptiness of popular praise,\r\ndown even to theatrical applauses, and poetic prizes, and strifes for\r\ngrassy garlands, and the follies of shows, and the intemperance of\r\ndesires. There, desiring to be cleansed from these defilements, by\r\ncarrying food to those who were called \"elect\" and \"holy,\" out of which,\r\nin the workhouse of their stomachs, they should forge for us Angels\r\nand Gods, by whom we might be cleansed. These things did I follow, and\r\npractise with my friends, deceived by me, and with me. Let the arrogant\r\nmock me, and such as have not been, to their soul's health, stricken and\r\ncast down by Thee, O my God; but I would still confess to Thee mine own\r\nshame in Thy praise. Suffer me, I beseech Thee, and give me grace to go\r\nover in my present remembrance the wanderings of my forepassed time,\r\nand to offer unto Thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving. For what am I to\r\nmyself without Thee, but a guide to mine own downfall? or what am I even\r\nat the best, but an infant sucking the milk Thou givest, and feeding\r\nupon Thee, the food that perisheth not? But what sort of man is any man,\r\nseeing he is but a man? Let now the strong and the mighty laugh at us,\r\nbut let us poor and needy confess unto Thee.\r\n\r\nIn those years I taught rhetoric, and, overcome by cupidity, made sale\r\nof a loquacity to overcome by. Yet I preferred (Lord, Thou knowest)\r\nhonest scholars (as they are accounted), and these I, without artifice,\r\ntaught artifices, not to be practised against the life of the guiltless,\r\nthough sometimes for the life of the guilty. And Thou, O God, from afar\r\nperceivedst me stumbling in that slippery course, and amid much smoke\r\nsending out some sparks of faithfulness, which I showed in that my\r\nguidance of such as loved vanity, and sought after leasing, myself their\r\ncompanion."},"relationships":[{"peer":"01KJR8NK5DAD726FMQ6JCHGZ5R","peer_label":"confessions","peer_type":"text","predicate":"derived_from"},{"peer":"01KJR8M0JHPZXCPKJ34HTYXSWW","peer_type":"collection","predicate":"collection"},{"peer":"01KJR8R5G6YBRPPRB9G7VTNAFB","peer_label":"the narrator","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:13.922Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8REBJ19ZSX84N6F9CVGTQ","peer_label":"the narrators 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