{"id":"01KJR8Q69YRX0CQBFHYA7N3FPS","cid":"bafkreie6ny6chsxj3njuk6sy24yg7inyvgscv5rbus4bia3jmkemn5he4i","type":"text_chunk","properties":{"char_end":64651,"char_start":56741,"chunk_index":8,"chunk_total":89,"estimated_tokens":1978,"source_file_key":"confessions","text":"innocency to his own strength; that so he should love Thee the less, as\r\nif he had less needed Thy mercy, whereby Thou remittest sins to those\r\nthat turn to Thee? For whosoever, called by Thee, followed Thy voice,\r\nand avoided those things which he reads me recalling and confessing\r\nof myself, let him not scorn me, who being sick, was cured by that\r\nPhysician, through whose aid it was that he was not, or rather was less,\r\nsick: and for this let him love Thee as much, yea and more; since by\r\nwhom he sees me to have been recovered from such deep consumption of\r\nsin, by Him he sees himself to have been from the like consumption of\r\nsin preserved.\r\n\r\nWhat fruit had I then (wretched man!) in those things, of the\r\nremembrance whereof I am now ashamed? Especially, in that theft which\r\nI loved for the theft's sake; and it too was nothing, and therefore the\r\nmore miserable I, who loved it. Yet alone I had not done it: such was I\r\nthen, I remember, alone I had never done it. I loved then in it also\r\nthe company of the accomplices, with whom I did it? I did not then love\r\nnothing else but the theft, yea rather I did love nothing else; for that\r\ncircumstance of the company was also nothing. What is, in truth? who can\r\nteach me, save He that enlighteneth my heart, and discovereth its\r\ndark corners? What is it which hath come into my mind to enquire, and\r\ndiscuss, and consider? For had I then loved the pears I stole,\r\nand wished to enjoy them, I might have done it alone, had the bare\r\ncommission of the theft sufficed to attain my pleasure; nor needed\r\nI have inflamed the itching of my desires by the excitement of\r\naccomplices. But since my pleasure was not in those pears, it was in the\r\noffence itself, which the company of fellow-sinners occasioned.\r\n\r\nWhat then was this feeling? For of a truth it was too foul: and woe was\r\nme, who had it. But yet what was it? Who can understand his errors? It\r\nwas the sport, which as it were tickled our hearts, that we beguiled\r\nthose who little thought what we were doing, and much disliked it. Why\r\nthen was my delight of such sort that I did it not alone? Because none\r\ndoth ordinarily laugh alone? ordinarily no one; yet laughter sometimes\r\nmasters men alone and singly when no one whatever is with them, if\r\nanything very ludicrous presents itself to their senses or mind. Yet\r\nI had not done this alone; alone I had never done it. Behold my God,\r\nbefore Thee, the vivid remembrance of my soul; alone, I had never\r\ncommitted that theft wherein what I stole pleased me not, but that\r\nI stole; nor had it alone liked me to do it, nor had I done it. O\r\nfriendship too unfriendly! thou incomprehensible inveigler of the soul,\r\nthou greediness to do mischief out of mirth and wantonness, thou thirst\r\nof others' loss, without lust of my own gain or revenge: but when it is\r\nsaid, \"Let's go, let's do it,\" we are ashamed not to be shameless.\r\n\r\nWho can disentangle that twisted and intricate knottiness? Foul is it: I\r\nhate to think on it, to look on it. But Thee I long for, O Righteousness\r\nand Innocency, beautiful and comely to all pure eyes, and of a\r\nsatisfaction unsating. With Thee is rest entire, and life imperturbable.\r\nWhoso enters into Thee, enters into the joy of his Lord: and shall not\r\nfear, and shall do excellently in the All-Excellent. I sank away from\r\nThee, and I wandered, O my God, too much astray from Thee my stay, in\r\nthese days of my youth, and I became to myself a barren land.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nBOOK III\r\n\r\n\r\nTo Carthage I came, where there sang all around me in my ears a cauldron\r\nof unholy loves. I loved not yet, yet I loved to love, and out of a\r\ndeep-seated want, I hated myself for wanting not. I sought what I might\r\nlove, in love with loving, and safety I hated, and a way without snares.\r\nFor within me was a famine of that inward food, Thyself, my God; yet,\r\nthrough that famine I was not hungered; but was without all longing for\r\nincorruptible sustenance, not because filled therewith, but the more\r\nempty, the more I loathed it. For this cause my soul was sickly and full\r\nof sores, it miserably cast itself forth, desiring to be scraped by the\r\ntouch of objects of sense. Yet if these had not a soul, they would not\r\nbe objects of love. To love then, and to be beloved, was sweet to\r\nme; but more, when I obtained to enjoy the person I loved, I defiled,\r\ntherefore, the spring of friendship with the filth of concupiscence, and\r\nI beclouded its brightness with the hell of lustfulness; and thus\r\nfoul and unseemly, I would fain, through exceeding vanity, be fine\r\nand courtly. I fell headlong then into the love wherein I longed to be\r\nensnared. My God, my Mercy, with how much gall didst Thou out of Thy\r\ngreat goodness besprinkle for me that sweetness? For I was both beloved,\r\nand secretly arrived at the bond of enjoying; and was with joy fettered\r\nwith sorrow-bringing bonds, that I might be scourged with the iron\r\nburning rods of jealousy, and suspicions, and fears, and angers, and\r\nquarrels.\r\n\r\nStage-plays also carried me away, full of images of my miseries, and of\r\nfuel to my fire. Why is it, that man desires to be made sad, beholding\r\ndoleful and tragical things, which yet himself would no means suffer?\r\nyet he desires as a spectator to feel sorrow at them, and this very\r\nsorrow is his pleasure. What is this but a miserable madness? for a man\r\nis the more affected with these actions, the less free he is from such\r\naffections. Howsoever, when he suffers in his own person, it uses to be\r\nstyled misery: when he compassionates others, then it is mercy. But what\r\nsort of compassion is this for feigned and scenical passions? for the\r\nauditor is not called on to relieve, but only to grieve: and he applauds\r\nthe actor of these fictions the more, the more he grieves. And if the\r\ncalamities of those persons (whether of old times, or mere fiction)\r\nbe so acted, that the spectator is not moved to tears, he goes away\r\ndisgusted and criticising; but if he be moved to passion, he stays\r\nintent, and weeps for joy.\r\n\r\nAre griefs then too loved? Verily all desire joy. Or whereas no man\r\nlikes to be miserable, is he yet pleased to be merciful? which because\r\nit cannot be without passion, for this reason alone are passions loved?\r\nThis also springs from that vein of friendship. But whither goes that\r\nvein? whither flows it? wherefore runs it into that torrent of pitch\r\nbubbling forth those monstrous tides of foul lustfulness, into which it\r\nis wilfully changed and transformed, being of its own will precipitated\r\nand corrupted from its heavenly clearness? Shall compassion then be\r\nput away? by no means. Be griefs then sometimes loved. But beware of\r\nuncleanness, O my soul, under the guardianship of my God, the God of our\r\nfathers, who is to be praised and exalted above all for ever, beware of\r\nuncleanness. For I have not now ceased to pity; but then in the theatres\r\nI rejoiced with lovers when they wickedly enjoyed one another, although\r\nthis was imaginary only in the play. And when they lost one another, as\r\nif very compassionate, I sorrowed with them, yet had my delight in both.\r\nBut now I much more pity him that rejoiceth in his wickedness, than him\r\nwho is thought to suffer hardship, by missing some pernicious pleasure,\r\nand the loss of some miserable felicity. This certainly is the truer\r\nmercy, but in it grief delights not. For though he that grieves for the\r\nmiserable, be commended for his office of charity; yet had he, who is\r\ngenuinely compassionate, rather there were nothing for him to grieve\r\nfor. For if good will be ill willed (which can never be), then may\r\nhe, who truly and sincerely commiserates, wish there might be some\r\nmiserable, that he might commiserate. Some sorrow may then be allowed,\r\nnone loved. For thus dost Thou, O Lord God, who lovest souls far more\r\npurely than we, and hast more incorruptibly pity on them, yet are\r\nwounded with no sorrowfulness."},"relationships":[{"peer":"01KJR8NK5DAD726FMQ6JCHGZ5R","peer_label":"confessions","peer_type":"text","predicate":"derived_from"},{"peer":"01KJR8M0JHPZXCPKJ34HTYXSWW","peer_type":"collection","predicate":"collection"},{"peer":"01KJR8R5M8VXDW8Z6YHQTCPK14","peer_label":"god","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"divine_being","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.256Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8R6AJ4HSDN1TJ34CHPH7J","peer_label":"carthage","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"city","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.256Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8R5MSJVHHAX1ANXFKJV56","peer_label":"grief","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"emotion","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.256Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RCMSJXXWMH2PMA6BMC72","peer_label":"accomplices in pear theft","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"group_of_people","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.256Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RDGA251GX29XGGEQ9807","peer_label":"unholy loves","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.256Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RCZ80BDH8YD7FT3DGK6T","peer_label":"sin","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"theological_concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.256Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RD92J2WD0A5C64EWGRNW","peer_label":"concupiscence","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"theological_concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.256Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RCXDKK4JMV2E4EDZVF16","peer_label":"augustine of hippo","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.256Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RDSGTFJR6P2TCHNMJ3WS","peer_label":"lustfulness","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"theological_concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.256Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RD7GNDV4YRNNMCFJ9A5C","peer_label":"unfriendly friendship","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.256Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RDVYMXP512N85F1S43QG","peer_label":"book iii of confessions","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"document_section","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.256Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RD77F1GVN5RXSN68N7A9","peer_label":"pear theft","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"event","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.256Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RE5XC4S0E2HC7PWHF86D","peer_label":"innocency","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"virtue","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.256Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RE5T1SCN37Q9984BCEDR","peer_label":"righteousness","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"virtue","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.256Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RE4X171813FPYDHJ84Q2","peer_label":"compassion","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"emotion","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.256Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RE59ZAJP366WJ5RPD99Y","peer_label":"stage-plays","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"art_form","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:08.256Z"}}],"ver":2,"created_at":"2026-03-02T21:54:24.702Z","ts":"2026-03-02T21:55:09.325Z","edited_by":{"method":"system","user_id":"01KJ60XQBHJ0GBGTP9X8HXAPPM"}}