{"id":"01KJR8Q69DSJK3W4Y8DE026QVH","cid":"bafkreiaqbmktvaplfdysj3q4u6h6hl6k3oso2f37n4phcyh2ebboc2shqq","type":"text_chunk","properties":{"char_end":15028,"char_start":7054,"chunk_index":1,"chunk_total":89,"estimated_tokens":1994,"source_file_key":"confessions","text":"truth; I fear to deceive myself; lest mine iniquity lie unto itself.\r\nTherefore I contend not in judgment with Thee; for if Thou, Lord,\r\nshouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall abide it?\r\n\r\nYet suffer me to speak unto Thy mercy, me, dust and ashes. Yet suffer me\r\nto speak, since I speak to Thy mercy, and not to scornful man. Thou too,\r\nperhaps, despisest me, yet wilt Thou return and have compassion upon me.\r\nFor what would I say, O Lord my God, but that I know not whence I\r\ncame into this dying life (shall I call it?) or living death. Then\r\nimmediately did the comforts of Thy compassion take me up, as I heard\r\n(for I remember it not) from the parents of my flesh, out of whose\r\nsubstance Thou didst sometime fashion me. Thus there received me the\r\ncomforts of woman's milk. For neither my mother nor my nurses stored\r\ntheir own breasts for me; but Thou didst bestow the food of my infancy\r\nthrough them, according to Thine ordinance, whereby Thou distributest\r\nThy riches through the hidden springs of all things. Thou also gavest me\r\nto desire no more than Thou gavest; and to my nurses willingly to give\r\nme what Thou gavest them. For they, with a heaven-taught affection,\r\nwillingly gave me what they abounded with from Thee. For this my good\r\nfrom them, was good for them. Nor, indeed, from them was it, but through\r\nthem; for from Thee, O God, are all good things, and from my God is all\r\nmy health. This I since learned, Thou, through these Thy gifts, within\r\nme and without, proclaiming Thyself unto me. For then I knew but to\r\nsuck; to repose in what pleased, and cry at what offended my flesh;\r\nnothing more.\r\n\r\nAfterwards I began to smile; first in sleep, then waking: for so it\r\nwas told me of myself, and I believed it; for we see the like in other\r\ninfants, though of myself I remember it not. Thus, little by little, I\r\nbecame conscious where I was; and to have a wish to express my wishes\r\nto those who could content them, and I could not; for the wishes were\r\nwithin me, and they without; nor could they by any sense of theirs enter\r\nwithin my spirit. So I flung about at random limbs and voice, making\r\nthe few signs I could, and such as I could, like, though in truth very\r\nlittle like, what I wished. And when I was not presently obeyed (my\r\nwishes being hurtful or unintelligible), then I was indignant with my\r\nelders for not submitting to me, with those owing me no service, for\r\nnot serving me; and avenged myself on them by tears. Such have I learnt\r\ninfants to be from observing them; and that I was myself such, they, all\r\nunconscious, have shown me better than my nurses who knew it.\r\n\r\nAnd, lo! my infancy died long since, and I live. But Thou, Lord, who for\r\never livest, and in whom nothing dies: for before the foundation of the\r\nworlds, and before all that can be called \"before,\" Thou art, and art\r\nGod and Lord of all which Thou hast created: in Thee abide, fixed\r\nfor ever, the first causes of all things unabiding; and of all things\r\nchangeable, the springs abide in Thee unchangeable: and in Thee live the\r\neternal reasons of all things unreasoning and temporal. Say, Lord, to\r\nme, Thy suppliant; say, all-pitying, to me, Thy pitiable one; say, did\r\nmy infancy succeed another age of mine that died before it? was it\r\nthat which I spent within my mother's womb? for of that I have heard\r\nsomewhat, and have myself seen women with child? and what before that\r\nlife again, O God my joy, was I any where or any body? For this have I\r\nnone to tell me, neither father nor mother, nor experience of others,\r\nnor mine own memory. Dost Thou mock me for asking this, and bid me\r\npraise Thee and acknowledge Thee, for that I do know?\r\n\r\nI acknowledge Thee, Lord of heaven and earth, and praise Thee for my\r\nfirst rudiments of being, and my infancy, whereof I remember nothing;\r\nfor Thou hast appointed that man should from others guess much as to\r\nhimself; and believe much on the strength of weak females. Even then I\r\nhad being and life, and (at my infancy's close) I could seek for signs\r\nwhereby to make known to others my sensations. Whence could such a being\r\nbe, save from Thee, Lord? Shall any be his own artificer? or can there\r\nelsewhere be derived any vein, which may stream essence and life into\r\nus, save from thee, O Lord, in whom essence and life are one? for Thou\r\nThyself art supremely Essence and Life. For Thou art most high, and art\r\nnot changed, neither in Thee doth to-day come to a close; yet in Thee\r\ndoth it come to a close; because all such things also are in Thee. For\r\nthey had no way to pass away, unless Thou upheldest them. And since\r\nThy years fail not, Thy years are one to-day. How many of ours and\r\nour fathers' years have flowed away through Thy \"to-day,\" and from it\r\nreceived the measure and the mould of such being as they had; and still\r\nothers shall flow away, and so receive the mould of their degree of\r\nbeing. But Thou art still the same, and all things of tomorrow, and all\r\nbeyond, and all of yesterday, and all behind it, Thou hast done to-day.\r\nWhat is it to me, though any comprehend not this? Let him also rejoice\r\nand say, What thing is this? Let him rejoice even thus! and be content\r\nrather by not discovering to discover Thee, than by discovering not to\r\ndiscover Thee.\r\n\r\nHear, O God. Alas, for man's sin! So saith man, and Thou pitiest him;\r\nfor Thou madest him, but sin in him Thou madest not. Who remindeth me of\r\nthe sins of my infancy? for in Thy sight none is pure from sin, not even\r\nthe infant whose life is but a day upon the earth. Who remindeth me?\r\ndoth not each little infant, in whom I see what of myself I remember\r\nnot? What then was my sin? was it that I hung upon the breast and cried?\r\nfor should I now so do for food suitable to my age, justly should I be\r\nlaughed at and reproved. What I then did was worthy reproof; but since\r\nI could not understand reproof, custom and reason forbade me to be\r\nreproved. For those habits, when grown, we root out and cast away. Now\r\nno man, though he prunes, wittingly casts away what is good. Or was\r\nit then good, even for a while, to cry for what, if given, would hurt?\r\nbitterly to resent, that persons free, and its own elders, yea, the very\r\nauthors of its birth, served it not? that many besides, wiser than it,\r\nobeyed not the nod of its good pleasure? to do its best to strike and\r\nhurt, because commands were not obeyed, which had been obeyed to its\r\nhurt? The weakness then of infant limbs, not its will, is its innocence.\r\nMyself have seen and known even a baby envious; it could not speak, yet\r\nit turned pale and looked bitterly on its foster-brother. Who knows not\r\nthis? Mothers and nurses tell you that they allay these things by I know\r\nnot what remedies. Is that too innocence, when the fountain of milk\r\nis flowing in rich abundance, not to endure one to share it, though\r\nin extremest need, and whose very life as yet depends thereon? We bear\r\ngently with all this, not as being no or slight evils, but because they\r\nwill disappear as years increase; for, though tolerated now, the very\r\nsame tempers are utterly intolerable when found in riper years.\r\n\r\nThou, then, O Lord my God, who gavest life to this my infancy,\r\nfurnishing thus with senses (as we see) the frame Thou gavest,\r\ncompacting its limbs, ornamenting its proportions, and, for its general\r\ngood and safety, implanting in it all vital functions, Thou commandest\r\nme to praise Thee in these things, to confess unto Thee, and sing unto\r\nThy name, Thou most Highest. For Thou art God, Almighty and Good, even\r\nhadst Thou done nought but only this, which none could do but Thou:\r\nwhose Unity is the mould of all things; who out of Thy own fairness\r\nmakest all things fair; and orderest all things by Thy law. This age\r\nthen, Lord, whereof I have no remembrance, which I take on others' word,\r\nand guess from other infants that I have passed, true though the guess\r\nbe, I am yet loth to count in this life of mine which I live in this\r\nworld."},"relationships":[{"peer":"01KJR8NK5DAD726FMQ6JCHGZ5R","peer_label":"confessions","peer_type":"text","predicate":"derived_from"},{"peer":"01KJR8M0JHPZXCPKJ34HTYXSWW","peer_type":"collection","predicate":"collection"},{"peer":"01KJR8R5M8VXDW8Z6YHQTCPK14","peer_label":"god","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"divine_being","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RCXDKK4JMV2E4EDZVF16","peer_label":"augustine of hippo","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RPTK8R50EEE4ZQHB121S","peer_label":"all things","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"entity","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RXDJHR5VBHCW1JBDDNFX","peer_label":"augustines mother","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RY5EXPX6H9Y725DK9SK3","peer_label":"dying life or living death","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RY8EXS3KCSH4EQQQWEPP","peer_label":"womans milk","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"sustenance","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RYGEYZ4C9HR474VAX3CB","peer_label":"divine ordinance","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RY748E1QX5MRWG2T1J6H","peer_label":"augustines parents","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"family_unit","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RYCS404JX57XG3WG7YXC","peer_label":"divine compassion","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"divine_attribute","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RYNMKRN4S6CBY4PJ7V6R","peer_label":"human infancy","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"stage_of_life","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RYYTK7WGY2VC0VWQ22MM","peer_label":"nurses","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"profession","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RZH69XQR38T77P29PP3Q","peer_label":"essence and life","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"philosophical_concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RZB8K263GJCZ8J39G2CM","peer_label":"mothers womb","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"body_part","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RZ5R3MYNF2KTGNV1BCN1","peer_label":"human memory","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"faculty","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RYTGNVH7E1Y76ZQ3CA7G","peer_label":"augustines elders","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"group_of_people","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RZ7YPTA9HY50YTB1B945","peer_label":"foundation of the worlds","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RZP5BSJDVSYK0WHGVCAW","peer_label":"human sin","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"theological_concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RZK2ADZ5DERV5VVRNZME","peer_label":"divine timelessness","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"divine_attribute","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8S04Q7D7BXDXHZD0P1BBT","peer_label":"all which thou hast created","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"entity","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8S06E7SEX9CVAWB4YH26D","peer_label":"fountain of milk","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"resource","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RZVVZ2JN4P280AC83C2P","peer_label":"foster-brother","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"person","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8S07F260DZ9SRAPTXBT9E","peer_label":"senses","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"entity","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:27.320Z"}}],"ver":2,"created_at":"2026-03-02T21:54:24.685Z","ts":"2026-03-02T21:55:31.986Z","edited_by":{"method":"system","user_id":"01KJ60XQBHJ0GBGTP9X8HXAPPM"}}