{"id":"01KJR8Q69D4MP5C5NZ0M462TSR","cid":"bafkreigs4bjeobpiqlavtoubfephuzyybmkogpao7ypdzbe7o4elojhxie","type":"text_chunk","properties":{"char_end":22025,"char_start":14245,"chunk_index":2,"chunk_total":89,"estimated_tokens":1945,"source_file_key":"confessions","text":"furnishing thus with senses (as we see) the frame Thou gavest,\r\ncompacting its limbs, ornamenting its proportions, and, for its general\r\ngood and safety, implanting in it all vital functions, Thou commandest\r\nme to praise Thee in these things, to confess unto Thee, and sing unto\r\nThy name, Thou most Highest. For Thou art God, Almighty and Good, even\r\nhadst Thou done nought but only this, which none could do but Thou:\r\nwhose Unity is the mould of all things; who out of Thy own fairness\r\nmakest all things fair; and orderest all things by Thy law. This age\r\nthen, Lord, whereof I have no remembrance, which I take on others' word,\r\nand guess from other infants that I have passed, true though the guess\r\nbe, I am yet loth to count in this life of mine which I live in this\r\nworld. For no less than that which I spent in my mother's womb, is it\r\nhid from me in the shadows of forgetfulness. But if I was shapen in\r\niniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me, where, I beseech Thee, O\r\nmy God, where, Lord, or when, was I Thy servant guiltless? But, lo! that\r\nperiod I pass by; and what have I now to do with that, of which I can\r\nrecall no vestige?\r\n\r\nPassing hence from infancy, I came to boyhood, or rather it came to me,\r\ndisplacing infancy. Nor did that depart,--(for whither went it?)--and\r\nyet it was no more. For I was no longer a speechless infant, but a\r\nspeaking boy. This I remember; and have since observed how I learned to\r\nspeak. It was not that my elders taught me words (as, soon after, other\r\nlearning) in any set method; but I, longing by cries and broken accents\r\nand various motions of my limbs to express my thoughts, that so I might\r\nhave my will, and yet unable to express all I willed, or to whom I\r\nwilled, did myself, by the understanding which Thou, my God, gavest me,\r\npractise the sounds in my memory. When they named any thing, and as they\r\nspoke turned towards it, I saw and remembered that they called what they\r\nwould point out by the name they uttered. And that they meant this\r\nthing and no other was plain from the motion of their body, the natural\r\nlanguage, as it were, of all nations, expressed by the countenance,\r\nglances of the eye, gestures of the limbs, and tones of the voice,\r\nindicating the affections of the mind, as it pursues, possesses,\r\nrejects, or shuns. And thus by constantly hearing words, as they\r\noccurred in various sentences, I collected gradually for what they\r\nstood; and having broken in my mouth to these signs, I thereby gave\r\nutterance to my will. Thus I exchanged with those about me these current\r\nsigns of our wills, and so launched deeper into the stormy intercourse\r\nof human life, yet depending on parental authority and the beck of\r\nelders.\r\n\r\nO God my God, what miseries and mockeries did I now experience, when\r\nobedience to my teachers was proposed to me, as proper in a boy, in\r\norder that in this world I might prosper, and excel in tongue-science,\r\nwhich should serve to the \"praise of men,\" and to deceitful riches. Next\r\nI was put to school to get learning, in which I (poor wretch) knew not\r\nwhat use there was; and yet, if idle in learning, I was beaten. For this\r\nwas judged right by our forefathers; and many, passing the same course\r\nbefore us, framed for us weary paths, through which we were fain to\r\npass; multiplying toil and grief upon the sons of Adam. But, Lord, we\r\nfound that men called upon Thee, and we learnt from them to think of\r\nThee (according to our powers) as of some great One, who, though hidden\r\nfrom our senses, couldest hear and help us. For so I began, as a boy, to\r\npray to Thee, my aid and refuge; and broke the fetters of my tongue to\r\ncall on Thee, praying Thee, though small, yet with no small earnestness,\r\nthat I might not be beaten at school. And when Thou heardest me not (not\r\nthereby giving me over to folly), my elders, yea my very parents, who\r\nyet wished me no ill, mocked my stripes, my then great and grievous ill.\r\n\r\nIs there, Lord, any of soul so great, and cleaving to Thee with so\r\nintense affection (for a sort of stupidity will in a way do it); but\r\nis there any one who, from cleaving devoutly to Thee, is endued with so\r\ngreat a spirit, that he can think as lightly of the racks and hooks and\r\nother torments (against which, throughout all lands, men call on Thee\r\nwith extreme dread), mocking at those by whom they are feared most\r\nbitterly, as our parents mocked the torments which we suffered in\r\nboyhood from our masters? For we feared not our torments less; nor\r\nprayed we less to Thee to escape them. And yet we sinned, in writing or\r\nreading or studying less than was exacted of us. For we wanted not, O\r\nLord, memory or capacity, whereof Thy will gave enough for our age; but\r\nour sole delight was play; and for this we were punished by those who\r\nyet themselves were doing the like. But elder folks' idleness is called\r\n\"business\"; that of boys, being really the same, is punished by those\r\nelders; and none commiserates either boys or men. For will any of sound\r\ndiscretion approve of my being beaten as a boy, because, by playing a\r\nball, I made less progress in studies which I was to learn, only that,\r\nas a man, I might play more unbeseemingly? and what else did he who beat\r\nme? who, if worsted in some trifling discussion with his fellow-tutor,\r\nwas more embittered and jealous than I when beaten at ball by a\r\nplay-fellow?\r\n\r\nAnd yet, I sinned herein, O Lord God, the Creator and Disposer of all\r\nthings in nature, of sin the Disposer only, O Lord my God, I sinned in\r\ntransgressing the commands of my parents and those of my masters. For\r\nwhat they, with whatever motive, would have me learn, I might afterwards\r\nhave put to good use. For I disobeyed, not from a better choice, but\r\nfrom love of play, loving the pride of victory in my contests, and to\r\nhave my ears tickled with lying fables, that they might itch the more;\r\nthe same curiosity flashing from my eyes more and more, for the shows\r\nand games of my elders. Yet those who give these shows are in such\r\nesteem, that almost all wish the same for their children, and yet are\r\nvery willing that they should be beaten, if those very games detain them\r\nfrom the studies, whereby they would have them attain to be the givers\r\nof them. Look with pity, Lord, on these things, and deliver us who call\r\nupon Thee now; deliver those too who call not on Thee yet, that they may\r\ncall on Thee, and Thou mayest deliver them.\r\n\r\n  As a boy, then, I had already heard of an eternal life, promised\r\nus through the humility of the Lord our God stooping to our pride; and\r\neven from the womb of my mother, who greatly hoped in Thee, I was sealed\r\nwith the mark of His cross and salted with His salt. Thou sawest, Lord,\r\nhow while yet a boy, being seized on a time with sudden oppression of\r\nthe stomach, and like near to death--Thou sawest, my God (for Thou wert\r\nmy keeper), with what eagerness and what faith I sought, from the pious\r\ncare of my mother and Thy Church, the mother of us all, the baptism of\r\nThy Christ, my God and Lord. Whereupon the mother of my flesh, being\r\nmuch troubled (since, with a heart pure in Thy faith, she even more\r\nlovingly travailed in birth of my salvation), would in eager haste\r\nhave provided for my consecration and cleansing by the health-giving\r\nsacraments, confessing Thee, Lord Jesus, for the remission of sins,\r\nunless I had suddenly recovered. And so, as if I must needs be\r\nagain polluted should I live, my cleansing was deferred, because the\r\ndefilements of sin would, after that washing, bring greater and more\r\nperilous guilt. I then already believed: and my mother, and the whole\r\nhousehold, except my father: yet did not he prevail over the power of my\r\nmother's piety in me, that as he did not yet believe, so neither\r\nshould I."},"relationships":[{"peer":"01KJR8NK5DAD726FMQ6JCHGZ5R","peer_label":"confessions","peer_type":"text","predicate":"derived_from"},{"peer":"01KJR8M0JHPZXCPKJ34HTYXSWW","peer_type":"collection","predicate":"collection"},{"peer":"01KJR8R5M8VXDW8Z6YHQTCPK14","peer_label":"god","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"divine_being","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:14.454Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RCZ80BDH8YD7FT3DGK6T","peer_label":"sin","predicate":"extracted_entity","properties":{"entity_type":"theological_concept","extracted_at":"2026-03-02T21:55:14.454Z"}},{"peer":"01KJR8RE9ASSVJ2EZY47NJ72AM","peer_label":"jesus 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