{"id":"01KG8AKRNT45QZG3SZ3N1K0A8E","cid":"bafkreibjzhmooy6l23ptgtsaitksfih3wkjajyx7jaawfuvjer2hbrjlni","type":"chunk","properties":{"end_line":498,"extracted_at":"2026-01-30T20:48:14.838Z","extracted_by":"structure-extraction-lambda","label":"Chunk 2","source_file":"01KG89J1GP71YDJ60P8SRH97MF","start_line":439,"text":"such a scar that the air of Paradise might not erase it. And it is a\r\nhard and cruel thing thus in early youth to taste beforehand the pangs\r\nwhich should be reserved for the stout time of manhood, when the\r\ngristle has become bone, and we stand up and fight out our lives, as a\r\nthing tried before and foreseen; for then we are veterans used to\r\nsieges and battles, and not green recruits, recoiling at the first\r\nshock of the encounter.\r\n\r\nAt last gaining the boat we pushed off, and away we steamed down the\r\nHudson. There were few passengers on board, the day was so unpleasant;\r\nand they were mostly congregated in the after cabin round the stoves.\r\nAfter breakfast, some of them went to reading: others took a nap on the\r\nsettees; and others sat in silent circles, speculating, no doubt, as to\r\nwho each other might be.\r\n\r\nThey were certainly a cheerless set, and to me they all looked\r\nstony-eyed and heartless. I could not help it, I almost hated them; and\r\nto avoid them, went on deck, but a storm of sleet drove me below. At\r\nlast I bethought me, that I had not procured a ticket, and going to the\r\ncaptain’s office to pay my passage and get one, was horror-struck to\r\nfind, that the price of passage had been suddenly raised that day,\r\nowing to the other boats not running; so that I had not enough money to\r\npay for my fare. I had supposed it would be but a dollar, and only a\r\ndollar did I have, whereas it was two. What was to be done? The boat\r\nwas off, and there was no backing out; so I determined to say nothing\r\nto any body, and grimly wait until called upon for my fare.\r\n\r\nThe long weary day wore on till afternoon; one incessant storm raged on\r\ndeck; but after dinner the few passengers, waked up with their\r\nroast-beef and mutton, became a little more sociable. Not with me, for\r\nthe scent and savor of poverty was upon me, and they all cast toward me\r\ntheir evil eyes and cold suspicious glances, as I sat apart, though\r\namong them. I felt that desperation and recklessness of poverty which\r\nonly a pauper knows. There was a mighty patch upon one leg of my\r\ntrowsers, neatly sewed on, for it had been executed by my mother, but\r\nstill very obvious and incontrovertible to the eye. This patch I had\r\nhitherto studiously endeavored to hide with the ample skirts of my\r\nshooting-jacket; but now I stretched out my leg boldly, and thrust the\r\npatch under their noses, and looked at them so, that they soon looked\r\naway, boy though I was. Perhaps the gun that I clenched frightened them\r\ninto respect; or there might have been something ugly in my eye; or my\r\nteeth were white, and my jaws were set. For several hours, I sat gazing\r\nat a jovial party seated round a mahogany table, with some crackers and\r\ncheese, and wine and cigars. Their faces were flushed with the good\r\ndinner they had eaten; and mine felt pale and wan with a long fast. If\r\nI had presumed to offer to make one of their party; if I had told them\r\nof my circumstances, and solicited something to refresh me, I very well\r\nknew from the peculiar hollow ring of their laughter, they would have\r\nhad the waiters put me out of the cabin, for a beggar, who had no\r\nbusiness to be warming himself at their stove. And for that insult,\r\nthough only a conceit, I sat and gazed at them, putting up no petitions\r\nfor their prosperity. My whole soul was soured within me, and when at\r\nlast the captain’s clerk, a slender young man, dressed in the height of\r\nfashion, with a gold watch chain and broach, came round collecting the\r\ntickets, I buttoned up my coat to the throat, clutched my gun, put on\r\nmy leather cap, and pulling it well down, stood up like a sentry before\r\nhim. He held out his hand, deeming any remark superfluous, as his\r\nobject in pausing before me must be obvious. But I stood motionless and\r\nsilent, and in a moment he saw how it was with me. I ought to have\r\nspoken and told him the case, in plain, civil terms, and offered my\r","title":"Chunk 2"},"relationships":[{"peer":"01KG8AJNGCFJEYRZHY7V01TC8B","peer_type":"chapter","predicate":"in"},{"peer":"01KG89J1GP71YDJ60P8SRH97MF","peer_type":"file","predicate":"extractedFrom"},{"peer":"01KG89HMDZKNY753EZE1CJ8HZW","peer_type":"collection","predicate":"collection"},{"peer":"01KG8AKRNQE1NM6VD868CJCR6Y","peer_type":"chunk","predicate":"prev"},{"peer":"01KG8AKRNTZYY6DK3K4DY1ZXJS","peer_type":"chunk","predicate":"next"}],"ver":2,"created_at":"2026-01-30T20:48:15.034Z","ts":"2026-01-30T20:48:23.335Z","edited_by":{"method":"manual","user_id":"01KFF0H3YRP9ZSM033AM0QJ47H"}}