{"id":"01KG8AKCKY265BMDPZXHRMC7ST","cid":"bafkreia4kpzytgfjiyqrn2ue5naqq5f4lh7iuwza2exacbexyaeovjoi6q","type":"chunk","properties":{"end_line":5258,"extracted_at":"2026-01-30T20:47:57.722Z","extracted_by":"structure-extraction-lambda","label":"Chunk 1","source_file":"01KG89J1JMR8XVKPA0G8ADAPC4","start_line":5172,"text":"CHAPTER XXII.\r\n\r\nIN THE POLITE SPIRIT OF THE TUSCULAN DISPUTATIONS.\r\n\r\n\r\n--\"'Philosophical Intelligence Office'--novel idea! But how did you come\r\nto dream that I wanted anything in your absurd line, eh?\"\r\n\r\nAbout twenty minutes after leaving Cape Girádeau, the above was growled\r\nout over his shoulder by the Missourian to a chance stranger who had\r\njust accosted him; a round-backed, baker-kneed man, in a mean\r\nfive-dollar suit, wearing, collar-wise by a chain, a small brass plate,\r\ninscribed P. I. O., and who, with a sort of canine deprecation, slunk\r\nobliquely behind.\r\n\r\n\"How did you come to dream that I wanted anything in your line, eh?\"\r\n\r\n\"Oh, respected sir,\" whined the other, crouching a pace nearer, and, in\r\nhis obsequiousness, seeming to wag his very coat-tails behind him,\r\nshabby though they were, \"oh, sir, from long experience, one glance\r\ntells me the gentleman who is in need of our humble services.\"\r\n\r\n\"But suppose I did want a boy--what they jocosely call a good boy--how\r\ncould your absurd office help me?--Philosophical Intelligence Office?\"\r\n\r\n\"Yes, respected sir, an office founded on strictly philosophical and\r\nphysio----\"\r\n\r\n\"Look you--come up here--how, by philosophy or physiology either, make\r\ngood boys to order? Come up here. Don't give me a crick in the neck.\r\nCome up here, come, sir, come,\" calling as if to his pointer. \"Tell me,\r\nhow put the requisite assortment of good qualities into a boy, as the\r\nassorted mince into the pie?\"\r\n\r\n\"Respected sir, our office----\"\r\n\r\n\"You talk much of that office. Where is it? On board this boat?\"\r\n\r\n\"Oh no, sir, I just came aboard. Our office----\"\r\n\r\n\"Came aboard at that last landing, eh? Pray, do you know a herb-doctor\r\nthere? Smooth scamp in a snuff-colored surtout?\"\r\n\r\n\"Oh, sir, I was but a sojourner at Cape Girádeau. Though, now that you\r\nmention a snuff-colored surtout, I think I met such a man as you speak\r\nof stepping ashore as I stepped aboard, and 'pears to me I have seen him\r\nsomewhere before. Looks like a very mild Christian sort of person, I\r\nshould say. Do you know him, respected sir?\"\r\n\r\n\"Not much, but better than you seem to. Proceed with your business.\"\r\n\r\nWith a low, shabby bow, as grateful for the permission, the other began:\r\n\"Our office----\"\r\n\r\n\"Look you,\" broke in the bachelor with ire, \"have you the spinal\r\ncomplaint? What are you ducking and groveling about? Keep still. Where's\r\nyour office?\"\r\n\r\n\"The branch one which I represent, is at Alton, sir, in the free state\r\nwe now pass,\" (pointing somewhat proudly ashore).\r\n\r\n\"Free, eh? You a freeman, you flatter yourself? With those coat-tails\r\nand that spinal complaint of servility? Free? Just cast up in your\r\nprivate mind who is your master, will you?\"\r\n\r\n\"Oh, oh, oh! I don't understand--indeed--indeed. But, respected sir, as\r\nbefore said, our office, founded on principles wholly new----\"\r\n\r\n\"To the devil with your principles! Bad sign when a man begins to talk\r\nof his principles. Hold, come back, sir; back here, back, sir, back! I\r\ntell you no more boys for me. Nay, I'm a Mede and Persian. In my old\r\nhome in the woods I'm pestered enough with squirrels, weasels,\r\nchipmunks, skunks. I want no more wild vermin to spoil my temper and\r\nwaste my substance. Don't talk of boys; enough of your boys; a plague of\r\nyour boys; chilblains on your boys! As for Intelligence Offices, I've\r\nlived in the East, and know 'em. Swindling concerns kept by low-born\r\ncynics, under a fawning exterior wreaking their cynic malice upon\r\nmankind. You are a fair specimen of 'em.\"\r\n\r\n\"Oh dear, dear, dear!\"\r\n\r\n\"Dear? Yes, a thrice dear purchase one of your boys would be to me. A\r\nrot on your boys!\"\r\n\r\n\"But, respected sir, if you will not have boys, might we not, in our\r\nsmall way, accommodate you with a man?\"\r\n\r","title":"Chunk 1"},"relationships":[{"peer":"01KG8AJM4RS4GSX8JEXTB47AGF","peer_type":"chapter","predicate":"in"},{"peer":"01KG89J1JMR8XVKPA0G8ADAPC4","peer_type":"file","predicate":"extractedFrom"},{"peer":"01KG89HMDZKNY753EZE1CJ8HZW","peer_type":"collection","predicate":"collection"},{"peer":"01KG8AKCKR52WTQ0Q1R7VCMSYC","peer_type":"chunk","predicate":"next"}],"ver":2,"created_at":"2026-01-30T20:48:02.686Z","ts":"2026-01-30T20:48:09.904Z","edited_by":{"method":"manual","user_id":"01KFF0H3YRP9ZSM033AM0QJ47H"}}