{"id":"01KFE0G1XCDTWZZZFJ012V170X","cid":"bafkreib4av7cuyp6zfs4lxz4bcyxjcnrbgw4mfwypumvozadhvusnnvb24","type":"file","properties":{"cid":"bafkreiezajyebxvlvake2lfeghau57bbhjehk6potjtdtwxidpxnm37shq","content_type":"image/jpeg","filename":"crimepunishment00dostiala_page_0403.jpg","key":"pdf-page-1768923071936-k395gfas9gg","label":"crimepunishment00dostiala_page_0403.jpg","page_number":403,"pdf_type":"born_digital","size":208457,"text":"CRIME AND PUNISHMENT 39S\ngoing over it all! I have kept wanting to forget it and make a\nnew beginning, Sonia, and leave off thinking. And you don't\nsuppose that I went into it headlong like a fool? I went into it\nlike a wise man, and that was just my destruction. And you\nmustn't suppose that I didn't know, for instance, that if I began\nto question myself whether I had the right to gain power —\nI certainly hadn't the right — or that if I asked myself whether\na human being is a louse it proved that it wasn't so for me,\nthough it might be for a man who would go straight to his goal\nwithout asking questions. ... If I worried myself all those days,\nwondering whether Napoleon would have done it or not, I felt\nclearly of course that I wasn't Napoleon. I had to endure all\nthe agony of that battle of ideas, Sonia, and I longed to throw\nit off: I wanted to murder without casuistry, to murder for my\nown sake, for myself alone! I didn't want to lie about it even\nto myself. It wasn't to help my mother I did the murder — that's\nnonsense — I didn't do the murder to gain wealth and power and\nto become a benefactor of mankind. Nonsense! I simply did it;\nI did the murder for myself, for myself alone, and whether I\nbecame a benefactor to others, or spent my life like a spider\ncatching men in my web and sucking the life out of men,\nI couldn't have cared at that moment. . . . And it was not the\nmoney I wanted, Sonia, when I did it. It was not so much the\nmoney I wanted, but something else. ... I know it all now. . . .\nUnderstand me! Perhaps I should never have committed a\nmurder again. I wanted to find out something else; it was\nsomething else led me on. I wanted to find out then and quickly\nwhether I was a louse like everybody else or a man. Whether\nI can step over barriers or not, whether I dare stoop to pick up\nor not, whether I am a trembling creature or whether I have\nthe right . . .\"\n\"To kill? Have the right to kill?\" Sonia clasped her hands.\n\"Ach, Sonia!\" he cried irritably and seemed about to make\nsome retort, but was contemptuously silent. \"Don't interrupt\nme, Sonia. I want to prove one thing only, that the devil led\nme on then and he has shown me since that I had not the right\nto take that path, because I am just such a louse as all the rest.\nHe was mocking me and here I've come to you now! Welcome\nyour guest! If I were not a louse, should I have come to you?","text_extracted_at":"2026-01-20T15:31:11.936Z","text_extracted_by":"pdf-processor","text_has_content":true,"text_source":"born_digital","uploaded":true},"relationships":[{"peer":"01KFCZZ05FKVDDMJJV3YE9Q4WH","peer_label":"crimepunishment00dostiala.pdf","peer_type":"file","predicate":"derived_from"},{"peer":"01KESYJX0Z6XE0HWTS5N3SDG0B","peer_label":"The Classics","peer_type":"collection","predicate":"collection"}],"ver":2,"created_at":"2026-01-20T15:31:12.708Z","ts":"2026-01-20T15:31:13.807Z","edited_by":{"method":"manual","user_id":"01KFCZWTBNJH4WFMS8354919KY"}}